Letters to the Editor
UnderTheRadar
Published Letters: 19 Editor's Choice: 2
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Do your homework
[Read the article: I want a baby so badly it scares me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You have to ask yourself- WHAT is it about having a baby that you want? Because let me tell you, as I'm sure you know, it's not all fingerpaints and lullabies.
If you desire the experience of motherhood and desire to share your life with a child, that's one thing. I know a lot of girls in their 20's who want babies. But what they REALLY want is the whole shebangabang- loving husband + adorable starter home + picket fence + game night with your other sickeningly hip young couple friends + outings to the park with the other young moms and kids in tow and a latte and chatting about the latest cool baby stuff you got at Pottery Barn....you get the picture. Not that there's anything wrong with that picture- it's a nice picture.
But, speaking as an exhausted single mom of a wonderful, adorable, energetic, hyper, wall-climing, food-throwing, latte-spilling toddler, you have to do a LOT of work to get that picture. You have to build a strong, solid relationship with someone who shares your goals and your values first. Or you'll end up like me- 31 and single again with a full time job as a mom and no one to help you.
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@ Minoukatze
[Read the article: I want a baby so badly it scares me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I agree...and the added benefit of babysitting other people's kids and volunteering and such is that it will "dampen" that urge, at least temporarily. And that's what it is- a profoundly strong and basic biological need to procreate.
And while I agree with Cary that there's nothing wrong with having a desire and letting it drive you, remember- this is another person's life you're talking about. This won't be a new car that you can take back to the dealership if you decide it's not right for you. (I'm crying right now because my son just came up to me and asked me who's house he's sleeping at tomorrow.)
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Move forward, already
[Read the article: I'm embarrassed to admit I met my guy online]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]My question to the LW is, why after taking the pro-active step of online dating in order to find a meaningful relationship, do you then insult the relationship you start by not even admitting you are dating someone? After four months no less?
If someone is close to you and you care about their opinion of you, then they probably already know how you met. And if they are distant enough that you can fool them into thinking you've been single for four months, then you probably *shouldn't* care what they think of how you met.
But most importantly, you should think about how this guy thinks of you. Does he know you lie about it? Does he know you are ashamed? Because if I was him, I don't know that we'd make it to 5 months with that attitude. Get over it.
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You know...
[Read the article: I'm embarrassed to admit I met my guy online]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"How we met" stories really don't matter as much as whether or not your relationship works out in the long run. BTW, I met my first husband (gag) and my current beau at the same bar (many years apart, of course.) I've told him I can't wait until we're married so I can tell people "I meet ALL my husbands at the Triple Crown!" teehee.
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being a "good" person
[Read the article: I let a homeless man move in with me and now I can't get rid of him]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I agree with a previous poster (Timelagged?) who made the point that most of us ARE good people, and yet WE don't have alcoholic homeless people squatting in our homes.
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Was this me??
[Read the article: The bosses used to monitor us on video from home]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I could have written this letter myself. My advice? Go get yourself a copy of "Please Understand Me II" by David Keirsey.
I tramped from jobby job to jobby job, hating all of them, and very dissapointed in myself for not being able to keep a job. And, yeah, the family hated it, too. But I've never gotten support from them.
Then I fianlly found out what "personality type" I was, and it has made all the difference. It turns out that it wasn't so much the jobs themselves as the TYPE of work I was doing and my reaction to them was completely normal for my type. I'm idealistic and can't do "sales" jobs. I also get bored easily and will jump around in careers for the rest of my life, it says. (it also said I suffer from muscle tension and likely have tattoos. Nailed it.)
Anyway, it really helped to figure out what KIND of job I should aim for, and now I am very happy and I no longer feel bad about my past- it wasn't that there was something WRONG with me, I just operate differently from other people. Check out the book! (or search online for the Keirsey personality test and take it online.) Good luck!
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What about the other problems?
[Read the article: My boyfriend has an abysmal environmental conscience]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I don't think anyone has mentioned that the LW said there were other things that pissed her off about this guy, too...geez, if he's this misaligned with your character, why are you still with him and how the HELL did you two ever hook up in the first place??
Let me tell you, my BF is a staunch vegetarian. I am a big ol' meat lover. He NEVER gives me grief about it- not even a dirty look. But he cooks delicious veg meals that I enjoy, and his respect for my individuality inspires me to at least TRY not to inhale animal flesh in front of him.
But my mother pushes, berates, whines and nags me endlessly on whatever topic she thinks is important, endlessly pushing to sculpt me into a person she wants me to be. So what do I do? I push back- and usually with sarcastic BS that sounds exactly like what your BF said. Hmmm.