Letters to the Editor
Ciccina
Published Letters: 31 Editor's Choice: 3
-
STAY PUT!!!
[Read the article: I let my friends stay with me and now they're evicting me!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, I agree with so many others - you need to stay put.
The alternative is untenable. If you leave on your "friends" timeline, with less than 30 days notice, I don't see how you could expect your security deposit back. Even if the landlord agreed to give it to you, that generally comes after an inspection for damages at which point any infractions (including the big pregnant one) of the terms of the lease will be discovered. So part or all of your deposit will be tangible loss #1.
[My prediction is that they will urge you to not tell the landlord and instead let them give you your share of the deposit. And then they'll say they can't give you the money for a while, because things are tight what with the baby and all. And then they'll forget about it].
Then there is the question of your property. I am sure your "friends" are enjoying the use of at least a few items that are yours - whether its the sofa, dishes, television, or whatever. They won't want to give it up. I can just hear it now - "do you need to take the sofa right away? Can't you just leave it for a few weeks while we look for a replacement? We're going to have our parents over to visit the baby and..." And you'll think, "well, I can get along without it for a few weeks / months / years..." The value of your property and the cost of replacements - tangible loss #2.
They will be too "stressed" to cope with changing over all the utilities. They will ask you to hold off for a few weeks on that too, and then stick you with their charges when you finally close out the accounts. Tangible loss #3.
Expense and effort of apartment searching and moving, especially if you need to use professional movers. They will not help you with that. Forget about it. Any money you ask for will be characterized as taking food right out of the baby's mouth - tangible loss #4.
So there's four additional ways to screw you, LW, and I don't even know you or these people. Plus, as mentioned by so many others, there's the potential loss you face if you can't transfer the lease properly and you retain responsibility for the rent and damages after they screw up.
I doubt they will ever see themselves as behaving badly. I know the type. They'll justify it all by saying "its for the baby" and "well, he agreed to it - we didn't put a gun to his head." They'll continue to think of themselves as good people.
Stay put. And, as others have said, if you need to talk to the landlord, or if your lease is unclear to you in any way, you must consult a lawyer IMMEDIATELY. Also, the advice to KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT shut is very important. Don't tell these people anything about your plans or your feelings other than the bare minimum.
And Cary! Please let us know how this turns out - I am dying to know.
-
Sigh
[Read the article: "The Brave One"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]This sounds like yet another movie trying to convince us that deep down inside we are all killers. Never mind the thousands and thousands of people who lose loved ones to violent crimes and don't resort to bloody revenge. It's not that I mind that Foster's character is a vigilante - if she weren't, it would be a different movie - but I wish Hollywood wouldn't be so dogmatic (and prolific) on this point.
Also - "a tweaked version of Travis Bickle"? Holy cow.
-
Succinct vs. Pensive Cary
[Read the article: We broke up after four years -- but he moved on so fast!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]With regard to the folks who have expressed a preference for Succinct Cary, I'd like to speak up in favor of Pensive Cary. I only happened to find this column a few weeks ago and it was your musing about the greater implications of the LW's problem that sucked me in. It's what sets you apart, in a good way, from the glib and reductive approach favored by other advice columnists.
That said, the advice to this LW was spot on. LW, one problem that I think I see is your sense of rejection and abandonment. Even though you rationally know you shouldn't feel that way - the breakup, as you describe it, was mutual and amicable - I think some part of you is playing the "what's she got that I haven't got" game. You say you are trying to be the "bigger person" even as your ex gets involved with a girl who has many "problems" (read: how can you prefer that to being with me?)
Even if/though you don't want him back, this sort of feeling insinuates itself into the cracks in your self-esteem and tries to make a home there. You may even find that you can't move on because to do so has become tantamount, in your mind, to accepting a kind of defeat. If you let this fester it will be that much harder to let go, because you'll stop seeing the ex as an individual - instead he'll become emblematic of a struggle you can't resolve within yourself. Let me tell you, I've been there (just once, thankfully).
So I hope you listen to what everyone here is telling you. You can still be a good person by being cordial, not badmouthing him to others, being helpful in a minimal way with matters that directly concern you (like the move), and even telling him in advance that you plan on not communicating with him and would appreciate it if he held off contacting you until further notice. But then cut the ties and move on. Your time is precious, and you have a whole new life to start.