Yes, I've seen the method here. I think I've even gotten it down to a series of steps, so simple that it coule probably be plugged into a formula using a random-word generator:

1. Mention letter writer's problem. Tell the writer what you are NOT going to provide (hope, sympathy, coherent thought).

2. Write a few short, nearly glib sentences ("Something died. Everyone is sad. That is what happened. It died. It died and it's not coming back. Because it is dead. Dead things stay dead.")

3. Drink entire contents of a bottle of whiskey, or at least imagine doing so.

4. Go off on a tangent. Invoke metaphors. Occasionally, use profanity (Cary is actually quite good at using profanity well; this is simply not one of his better examples).

5. Optional: include details about what you, the advice columnist, are wearing, eating, or drinking while typing the column. Include vivid details, such as the texture of the roasted duck's flesh, or the annoying sounds of construction outside of your window. This can also be inserted above step 3 and repeated as necessary.

6. Remind the letter writer that you don't have an answer for his/her problem.

7. Tell the writer that time will fix everything, because it's true.

8. While editing, insert at random one-sentence paragraphs with deep, spiritual significance that indicate how hopeless the future really is ("That pain will resonate through your veins until the day you die.")

9. Send to editor, sit back, enjoy another virtual bottle of whiskey, and call it a day.

It's not that this was terribly written, it's just that I don't feel like it answered the writer's questions at all. It merely explains what Cary has done. That's great for him, but I don't think he's CONSIDERING her when he writes it. Or anyone.

I just don't get it. EVERY time I read something that this guyhas written, I feel baffled. I often forget ( much like Carey himself) what in the world the letter was actually about, because of whatever tirade this columnist goes off on in the middle of the advice. Can someone just push a creative writing assignment at him or something?

I like to swear as much as the next liberal (OK, way more), but reading this, I just couldn't see the justification. Or the advice. Or the point.

Everyone has given some pretty good advice to the letter writer, so I don't need to add much more except this little tidbit that my mother told me: Time heals all wounds, and wounds all heels.

So far, this is the ONLY thing that Cary Tennis has every written that I've enjoyed. Not just enjoyed, but actually laughed out loud and snarfed coffee out my nose upon reading. Awesome. Thank you. Seriously, if he just wrote things like this instead of stream-of-consciousness-disguised-as-advice-column schlock, my life would actually be better.

Now that I've enjoyed it, can you guys plase stop showing me those ads that ask if I like distinctive writers like Cary Tennis? The answer is, yes, when he's distinctive. Like this. But the picture of him with no eyebrows is really kind of freaky.

Not really. The attack itself was shocking, and the fact that there aren't more attacks is not really surprising, especially when you consider how in-check our civil society is. I certainly don't want to paint all Muslims in America with broad brushstrokes and say that we are ALL freedom-loving patriots, but even those who despise Israel aren't about to go out and just randomly start shooting Jews. It takes a special kind of nutjob to think that that is an appropriate response. And even Muslims who don't like Israel hardly see AlQaida as an organization worth emulating.

Muslims and Jews in Seattle have a traditionally good relationship, and I hope that continues to stregthen in the face of this terrible incident.

When you meet someone who says that abortion is not justifiable under any circumstances, just ask them, "Oh, yeah? And how many unwanted children have you adopted?".

The answer is usually silence.

Goddamn hypocrites.

Wasn't the fate of this clinic covered on either public television or 60 Minutes something like 6 months ago? (I recall one of the protesters was filmed right outside the clinic talking to patients in a baby voice, saying, "Mommy! Mommy, don't kill me! Mommy, I want to live!". It was a dead-on impression of a talking fetus, if fetuses could talk and had a habit of sucking helium before, you know, talking.)

This country is so incredibly bizarre - maybe I was a mature 18, but I just can't wrap my head around the fear that the public seems to have regarding this kind of relationship. A six-year old being molested by a teacher is one thing, but an 18-year old having sex with a former teacher? I can't even count the number of guys that I went to high school with who DREAMED of such an opportunity. There was nothing "trusting" about the relationship - we're talking about 18 year-old guys. When they discussed what they would do to our French teacher given the chance, I don't think they were thinking about exploring the trusting bond they had developed conjugating verbs with her. They just plain wanted to, as they say, coucher avec elle.

I feel terrible for this woman that she has to experience such shame and fear over something that was probably really beautiful (or at least, incredibly fun) for both of them. It's only a bad idea because this is a country full of extraordinarily prude people.

As to the notion of the possibility for abuse: people of all ages who are insecure and unhappy are abusable - hell, I suffered terrible abuse at the hands of someone my own age (22) several years ago - but if both of these people are mentally healthy and are looking out for themselves and each other, then bloody hell, let it go.

Puritans.