I love it when the letter writers write letters back to us in the letters section!

I realized that my letter, besides containing typos, forgot to mention that I ended up getting back with my boyfriend later. So, I think my story was a TAD incomplete, and didn't seem quite adequate.

After three years of name calling, late night fights, and agonizing over my past, I broke it off. I was tired and bedraggled. I bought my own house and moved out. I dated other people for a few months, but my ex visited (joint custody of a cat was the primary reason - he cleans the litterbox). Anyhoo, we would occasionally end up in bed together. The fact was that, even though I started to date someone who was much better suited to me, in terms of personality, my ex and I had a special bond, a familiarity... something that I THINK the Japanese call an "en", although I'm not sure that that is the exact right term here. And YOWZA, is he ever good in bed.

Although I had said that I probably wouldn't have another threesome, I ended up having one while we were apart. I didn't plan on telling the ex, but he eventually got it out of me (during some dirty talk). Anyway, after seven months of being broken up, we ended up back together. And although he's not thrilled with my additional threesome activity, he's not freaking out, either. I think his biggest gripe is that he'd really love to try something like that, and I've never had a threesome with someone that I loved deeply - that kind of thing is scary to me in a way that having casual sex with friends isn't.

I'm not saying that things are going to work out for us in the long run, but I know that he is very committed to being a good boyfriend - he's talking marriage (I'm holding back, understandably). He actually HAS changed - I didn't think that people could - and is more attentive, helpful, thoughtful, and understanding (AND he's now a Democrat - so many positive changes). He realizes that my life away from him (before I met him and after we broke up) was not a reflection on him, and that I AM a catch that shouldn't be thrown back. He dated a few women when we were apart, and it finally dawned on him that there aren't that many women like me out there.

So, my advice, modified, is for you to move out. Get your own place, get your own life, and again, don't apologize to him any longer. I understand that he genuinely feels pain, but that is for him to deal with. Tell him that you can see each other, but you're not going to put up with his shenanigans.

I can tell that you are smart and confident enough to realize that your boyfriend should be happy to have you around. Never let that go. Be strong. If he realizes that you're worth it (as mine finally did), then he'll grow up. But don't pin any hopes on it.

Oh, and I can't believe that anyone called you a slut. Serious? I don't even read anything besides the editor's choice letters these days, but WOW.

I sent something similar to Tennis a year or two ago. Maybe this is a composite? I doubt it - freaks me out to think that other women have to deal with this.

OK, so as to the nuts thing: who can say? What LW's boyfriend is is INCREDIBLY insecure. We're talking, like, unbelievably insecure. How do I know? Because I'm dating LW's boyfriend's clone. My boyfriend had many, many fewer past sex partners than I did when we met (although you never would have known - he lied about it), and he couldn't STAND the idea that I had had sex with more than one person at a time. He had the same symptoms: the nausea, the anger, the ability to shriek at me but not to talk to a therapist. And it was ALL about insecurity. It didn't matter to him that he was the best I ever had - it mattered that he didn't feel that he could "match" me.

I went through three years of hell over a threesome that I had had ages before I met my boyfriend. Name calling, screaming fits, days of the silent treatment. Passive aggressive behavior, public humiliation.

He will not get over it. Get out. Move on. There are better guys out there.

AND.

DO NOT APOLOGIZE for your past. Unless you murdered kittens or have serious hurt people, do not let someone else make you regret what you have done. Threesomes can be a blast, and they are nothing to apologize for.

No, seriously, as other people have pointed out, there's more than two options here. I don't understand why someone with a degree in Arabic stuck in a lousy not-the-dream-job-I-wanted contract would think about sticking around. Seriously.

First off, there are many, many jobs open to speakers of Arabic. Our government (not to mention a variety of news outlets, non-profits, and thinktanks) would be delighted to get a chance to have you on board. Why can't you live and work in Jordan? Qatar? UAW? Lebanon isn't technically at war anymore; why not go back? Don't let anyone tell you where you can and can't live (what the hell? His FAMILY forbade you from coming back?).

You can let the boyfriend go or whatever, but why not finish up this job and then move back to the Middle East?