I say, let him go. I think you lost track of him early in his childhood when your mother decided to "adopt" him without your permission. She was and is wrong, and yes, your son is now a certified bible thumping, evolution-hating fundie. I've often wondered, actually, how many teenaged daughters found themselves face to face with envious mothers, older women who sought to destroy their own daughters to "start over" with a grandchild? I suspect it's a bigger problem than one would think. The conflict of "who's the woman in this house" between mother and daughter, especially if both are still menstruating, can be a bloody battleground, metaphorically.

I clashed with my own mother, not over a love child (I was not an unwed mother), but over a variety of issues that almost always seemed to lead back to my rapidly maturing body, my burgeoning sexuality. I reached adulthood and, after college, life experience, one ex-fiance, and years of therapy, I cut the strings of looking for approval from my mother in order to redefine myself, to come into my own, as some would say, and she and I are now very close. I know that my mother would never do what your mother did, not because she's a saint, but because even though she's a very pious Christian woman, she does not use religion to justify acts of envy and resentment. Your mother uses religion to justify lies, deceit, and envy, and I don't see how anyone could justify the religious conversion of a young soul to their religion using the very sins they claim to despise.

Her religion is her attempt to mask her insecurities about herself and her anger at you. Your mother's rage against you for growing up and having a sexuality has never abated, unfortunately. She passed on this resentment to your son, and I don't think that clinging on to him or "fighting" for him will solve this very painful issue. I do think that you need individual therapy to cope with this difficult time. At some point, you must find it in your heart to forgive her for her acts of evil against her, but not until you've confronted her calmly and, without pause or hestitation, show her the mirror so that she sees the ugliness of her actions, and how it mars her soul.

But you also must remember the following things, and then you must let go of your son's hand.

He's a man now. He's not a child. Be available, but let him go. He made a choice, a dumb choice. But he made a choice, and the more you try to sway him, the more he will shut you out. He will have to learn the hard way. It's as simple as that. A hard head makes a soft behind, my mother used to say, and she was right, no question about that. The harder you pull, the harder he will pull from you because he will interpret your behavior as that of some "satanic" influence from the immoral coast-dwellers. Trust me when I say you don't want to end up losing him forever. Invite him to visit on occasion, and give him his space. Send him nice birthday gifts, and keep the door open for him.

Keep your hope alive for him by remembering that he will, at some point, come to recognize that a) he must honor you as his mother, his real mother, and that b) extremes in belief systems cannot and will not make room for real life experience. He's got alot of living to do, yet.

Stop trying to redo the past with him. He's not a baby anymore.

I think many people here, including the author of the article, missed the point here, and that is the importance for young people to have a ritual of passage or at least to have a celebration of new beginnings,and it is especially important for young women to have this ritual. Many other cultures have lavish celebrations for young women, and yes, it is often about marriage, but it need not be just about filling traditional roles. Why can't a girl wear a pretty dress and still be an honor student with goals of law school and the Supreme Court? We need to allow space for young women to celebrate their youth and revel in what my folks used to refer to as a woman's "glory."

I did not go to Prom for a variety of reasons, but I did wear a very pretty designer dress that looked like a princess ballgown from a NY designer when I was a debutante at a cotillion (thank you, Auntie, Aunt Clarice and Uncle Hoover!). I think that, as an African American woman, it was very important to be a part of that Ritual of Passage, especially since it was hosted by a Black sorority known for their support of young Black women who strive in high school/college, in their careers, and in their respective communities.

Stop stressing over how much money parents spend on Prom. If you want to make this event about creativity in costuming and not about cost, encourage young women to design their own dresses. Encourage young men to design their outfits as well. That could really transform this celebration, and perhaps take the sting away from the wallet. I think a compromise can be met without losing face, or ruining one's eyeliner, at least!

Bill Shanks and his anti-abortion minions have trivialized the struggles of African Americans with their co-option of rhetoric from the Civil Rights Movement. I find such political maneuvering to be extremely offensive, given the probability that these rightwing antiabortionists are just as racist as the reactionary segregationists of the not-so-distant past in Mississippi. Shanks and company should spend less time pushing for "pre-born" legislation and more time advocating for the poor children of Mississippi, who need better schools, better nutrition, and better healthcare.