Cary, you danced around this issue, and I think it's so much more serious than a little itch. Herpes sores can be a vector point for other more serious infections, like HIV. Plus, those who do not disclose--who do not disclose their status CLEARLY--can be sued. This is no joking matter. I think the best way to avoid problems and misunderstandings is to be honest and frank before the nightcap, before the kissing happens, as well as considering the option of just not sleeping with him/her right away. If she/he's worth your time, she'll/he'll wait. Go get yourself checked out, and ask her/him to do the same before you drop your drawers.

And if you like the LW and you've got an STD, then you disclose right away, and give that person a choice as to whether they want to deal with you. Anything other than that is just smoke and mirrors, and I'd be ready to fight somebody for lying to me about a serious issue like herpes. What if we were talking about HIV instead? Or Hepatitis C? I guess it wouldn't take a spelling B to figure it out then, huh?

Yeah, it's like that these days.

This is just nasty. No decent parent in her/his right mind would invite her/his child, grown or not, into the inner workings of her/his sex life. I don't care what anyone says, the very idea of a parent asking her/his grown child to take nude photos has a strong whiff of incest--oh this is just so sleazy!

I applaud Cary's "bluntness" in his response to the LW, especially with regard to his advice to follow her "gut." She also needs to be blunt to herself about the reality of her marriage being as uninhabitable as any house damaged by a disaster--and her husband is a walking disaster who is likely to destroy them both in a jealous rage. I would add that abusers do not change, and this one sounds like he's a powder keg ready to blow. He's following all of the classic signs of a man who is comfortable using emotional manipulation and physical coercion to achieve his goals of controlling his wife whom he now considers his property. There is no "making up" for abuse; there is only the door for those who would escape from such torment, or, ultimately, the grave for those who would stay and endure the beatings. He cannot be reformed, but she can put her life back together if she leaves him now without turning back, and without leaving a forwarding address or paper trail to her new life.

Dawn is still obsessed with sex, but not because she enjoys it. In fact, I would suspect that she's never really enjoyed it, and that's because she's still centering sexuality, social interaction, and her understanding of her own body image on men, or how men perceive her. She has yet to become a complete person, someone who can love herself and experience the pleasures of human existence outside of some idealized relationship with a man. From her own testimony, it seems that her life was filled with extremes, from promiscuity to frigidity. She never learned how to make choices that would be healthy for her psyche, and now she's attempting to use religion to make those choices for her, rather than taking control of her life. I believe that giving your body and mind a rest from relationships can be healthy if you are at a point in your life when you may need to recenter yourself, or if you've had a traumatic break-up, or if you simply need to focus on a more spiritual path.

However, Dawn seems to be less interested in dealing with whatever part of herself that is broken, and more interested in judging people for their choices. Her issues with friendship seem to indicate a much deeper problem than an itch at the extremities--I think she's dealing with some abandonment and rejection issues. Moreover, her desire to marry but not bear children may become a bit of a dilemma for her, given her choice of joining the Catholic Church and adopting their extreme positions on reproductive issues; according to Catholic doctrine, the purpose of sex is to procreate, and indeed, the whole point of marriage and sex is to procreate--isn't she contradicting herself? She's not allowed to use birth control or to sterilize herself, so I'm assuming that she intends to remain single and chaste. In any case, this is what happens to people who take on the extremes of any religion, and at the same time leave unresolved mental illnesses like abandonment issues that stem from childhood. Perhaps Dawn is better off not engaging in any relationship, friendship or romantic, until she seeks help from a psychologist who can help her through a more thorough healing process. She may not be a very nice person, but for some reason, I don't hate her. I pity her.