ugh, where'd the "drag queen" reference come from? that meanness was startling. i hope this wasn't from one of your regular writers.

Good comparison.

I wonder if sometimes they complain almost to be modest, to show that being beautiful isn't all great. Which is kind --that impulse comes from a good place.

But then there are others who just seem so abnormally fixated on it -- complaining on the one end, but then obsessively listing out all the physical traits that make them beautiful. I don't know - that seems almost smug to me.

I think those who are particularly focused on their own beauty maybe tend not to realize that they only ever hear the positive comments about their looks-- the others who might not think that they are as good-looking keep it to themselves. Even those relating compliments-- I, for one, am far more prone to tell a friend that someone mentioned she's pretty, than that someone does not think she is.

You know that phrase, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" Except for in internet blogs, it's usually abided by. The upshot is you're getting a pretty skewed sample.

Speaking of skewed, if you're walking around worrying that people are judging you for being beautiful -- well, that's not the way you're going to win friends. No, they might not know that's exactly what you're thinking, but if you're expecting that people will be jealous, you're essentially evincing an attitude of sorts, and that in turn will preclude people from really wanting to like you. And that's probably what often gets attributed to jealousy...

Ok, I have to respond to Silenced. I’m approaching this from the perspective of someone who used to be attractive until getting cancer at 31. (It’s gone now, yay!) I’m 34 now, and have largely lost those looks. From my own standards I didn’t think I was all that , preferring the pale rippling red haired look to my own dark one, but in college and throughout my twenties I was often asked to model and just stopped in the street a lot, that sort of thing.

Anyway, I have to say it was pleasant, being good-looking, – but I really tried not to focus on it a lot, and maybe that was the difference between me and some of these people who are plagued by their beauty. I never ever felt like I was boxed into a corner because of my looks – sure, people wanted to hear what I wanted to say but wasn’t that kind of a good thing? Truth be told, maybe they did have an initial assumption that I wasn’t bright but it is SO much easier to overcome that when you’re beautiful – you say something nominally intelligent and you’re regarded as really smart, because you’ve so exceeded the initial expectation.

Silenced – ‘cutting into’ your nerd heart? I don’t know. You’ve gone into great detail about your specific features in a number of letters, and I wonder if you’re more focused on your beauty than others are. This sincerely might help you – something I always remembered, even when having my looks, was that no one, NO one, is universally beautiful. Sure, some are more widely regarded as attractive than others, but even Angelina Jolie has her detractors. I never let myself forget that, so I would never assume that any one person I was talking to thought I was beautiful. And so that kept me from focusing on it too. Treat it as a gift. It’s a great thing, and I miss it sometimes, but oh well. It’s fun looking at pictures!

Hey, no worries! I just so usually enjoy your posts that I wanted to make sure to clarify. I believe I may have even posted some similarly approving letter about something you wrote a couple years back, in Cary Tennis. Man, I'm a sycophant. But I swear I'm not a stalker! I don't think. :)

I think you may have misunderstood me :-) -- I actually loathe that show, and for the life of me cannot figure out why it's still on the air. That's why I was so appreciative of your take!

I am actually grateful to both Heather Havrilvesky and you, Christopher 1988, for pointing out the awfulness of Californication, which I suppose is an over the top reaction on my part. But HOW is it so terrible?! I hate that Hank Moody so much I weirdly wish he was real. And yet I'll probably tune in again, and loudly sigh and complain about the horrible dialogue and lash out at my husband for watching it unironically.

Christ. I think I better just not be home on Sunday nights.

Hate Anna Wintour, but loved your letter. Thank you.

you really are an idiot, Ms. Harding. Just what percentage of abortion opponents view Tiller's murder as a prayer answered? Are you seriously saying it's a high enough percentage to constitute "mainstream?" Can you not make a cogent argument without conflating the mainstream anti-abortionists with the fringe lunatics?

My God, I'm a pro-choicer myself, and I certainly wouldn't want someone ascribing your crazy ass perspectives to me.

"a_ignatius

are you bipolar? cuz your 2 posts seem to contridict each other"

no, i'm actually not bipolar. i was using a device in the second post commonly referred to as sarcasm.

though you indicate some unfamiliarity with this tool, i believe you actually tried invoking it- albeit awkwardly - with your suggestion that i'm bipolar. it's too bad, because when utilized properly sarcasm can actually be a very effective device, enabling you to drive home your point with precision and humor. you should try again. your attempt at sarcasm just now was clumsy, and you'll probably fail when you try again, but it's funny to watch.