Letters to the Editor
David Schlaefer
Published Letters: 33 Editor's Choice: 3
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Inconsistency
[Read the article: Bush knew Saddam had no weapons of mass destruction]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The problem with claims that the Administration "knew" there was no WMD in Iraq--and went to war anyway for myriad other reasons--is inconsistency with what followed afterward.
If the President truly believed Saddam had no WMD, and was not simply using intelligence selectively (and incompetently), but was lying-- don't you think the Administration would have taken steps to ensure that such weapons WERE found? If you are already committing significant and dangerous fraud to move a reluctant citizenry and international community toward war, why would you leave the job unfinished, anticipating the inevitable fallout that has so damaged both the Administration and its policy?
That logical inconsistency is always present in claims like Blumenthal's. It would not take much in the fog of war for barrels of chemical agents or shattered delivery vehicles to have been "located," "documented," and then quickly "disposed of." If there was really a conspiracy, it would not have stopped with a bogus justification, some attempt would have been made to close the loop.
The Administration appears to have purposefully and willfully had blinders on about Iraq; and certainly had other motives than simply eliminating WMD for going to war. But that's incompetence, not conspiracy, as satifying as the latter seems to be for so many.
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Simpler Advice
[Read the article: My Christian daughter says I'm going to hell]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Cary's advice isn't so bad, but the process he sets out is too complicated and I really doubt you (or anyone else) would really take him up on the offer (attending Church), at least not more than once or twice.
I also wonder about certain gaps in your story. You had your daughter for the entire 5th and 7th grades? What did you do then? Did you take her to Church, and is your unwillingness to do so now something new? If so, that really changes the equation.
But look-- you sound like you've tried really hard to be a part of her life and accept responsibility for her wellbeing as much as you could. That's admirable. But you also left her mother before she was born and thereby limited yourself to being "weekend/summer dad." That's reality. Her mother has borne--overwhelmingly--the main responsibility for raising this girl, and that means she has dibs on raising her as she sees fit. It's not your right or role to try and undermine the belief system they are operating in no matter how much it angers, irritates, or upsets you.
Your daughter is only 13. When she's an adult, you can share your concerns and discuss your beliefs with her at an adult level. Perhaps she'll move toward your side. Or adopt a posistion somewhere in the middle. Or maybe she'll always be extremely religious and you'll always be at loggerheads with her. So be it.
But now isn't the time. She's just a kid, and she's afraid for you because she loves you, and your not going to be able to compete with her mom, etc., in terms of influence. Don't even try.
Your job is maintain a relationship with her as her dad, not fall off the map, and let know you love her unconditionally. If you can get by the next few years having accomplished that, you'll have done more than most dads in your situation are able to.
Don't make an issue of your beliefs (or lack thereof) and don't push her buttons by harping on evolution and homosexuality! Discretion in your case is the better part of valor. You don't have to lie to her, but surely you can nuance and finesse your way through. Religion and spirituality are personal things. People embrace them in different ways. Some people don't go in for organized religion, but are still spiritual, etc. You know the approach I'm getting at, and you seem as if you're educated and sophisticated enough to pull it off without "betraying" yourself.
And take her to Church when she's with you! If she wants to go (I presume she does), you're being a real jerk by not letting her. Just find a mainstream Church near your house, and if you can't do the full-blown Cary scenario, at least go with her the first time so that she's comfortable, and drop her off and pick her up from then on. That one thing may make all the difference is saving your relationship.
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More About the Parents
[Read the article: What teen girls are made of]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The vignette about gym class is pretty funny; but the ode to grinding and young teen sexuality isn't, and more of a sad reflection on the parents' abdication of responsibility to at least TRY and teach their children that there can be more to life than the hypersexualization and hypercommodification of postmodern western culture.
It's sad that any parent would pay for a 100-person plus sweet 16 "party" replete with drinking and guys groping and grinding on 15 and 16 year old girls.
And if you want to take the liberal cop out that such activity is just free expression, youthful identity formation, harmless rebellion and coming-of-age experimentation, etc., with no negative consequences-- think for a second about the America and the world we live in now, with girls objectified as sluts like never before, a shallow and docile rising generation more interested in being good consumers than doing anything about the devestating wars or immoral and growing social inequities that plague us, and a political system so corrupted by money and corporate interests that affecting change is increasingly impossible.
Does one teenage party with little studs and sluts lead to all of the above? Of course not. But it is a real reflection of a how more and more adults are utterly without a compass, moral or otherwise, and utterly incapable of teaching their kids anything beyond embracing hedonism for all its worth and watching TV at night while the country and the world slide a little closer toward the abyss for all our entertainment.