Letters posted here are associated with the following Salon Premium Member:

Svutlana

Published Letters: 386
Editor's Choice: 10

Wednesday, October 7, 2009 06:48 AM

Virgin territories

For sure is good ideas for save fresh seal for husband for break so that he know that he be first for start process of vagina become stale. Regions that no be lucky enough for have fresh seal be other matters, but as long as vagina be virgin territory everybody seem for be happy.

It seem for me that hymen be extreme strange English word that seem for say hello for mens at same time as it close door. In Svutlandian, word for hymen be swooshlunk that also mean useless. Can absolute no wait me for get rid of swooshlunk, so ride Svutlana horse and hit bump on bicycle on purpose for many year. Final, lose Svutlana swooshlunk in bagpipe accident when accidental fall on 48th Highlander.

Absolute no understand me cult of virgin where assort religion think hymen be short for “holy men” and therefore this piece of useless tissue belong for them. It seem for me that wed night sex debut between couple who have absolute no ideas if they be sex compatible or no and must look all over places for blood as part of marital sex initiation process be recipe for unholy fuck mess.

In Svutlana opinion, if must be virgin, is good idea for become abstinent sex expert. Like Pope only more so. Read everything you can about sex so will have some idea what for do on wed night. Need you also for understand exact what precaution for take if accidental give blow job or have anal sex that no be sex at all because after do, immaculate fresh seal hymen still be in place.

If must play you this virgin game, must understand you risk of protect hymen at all cocks.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009 09:05 AM

No slutty bitches for me!

This year, Svutlana dress up as Elinor Ostrom, Nobel prize winner in field of economics. Little dog too that name me Keynes.

Serious, why must slutty bitch be topic on Broadsheet on day when woman win most prestigious award for first time?

Sunday, November 1, 2009 06:05 PM

Bravo Ms Mary!

Is most excellent point you make: if no laugh during sex (or even little bit smile), for sure you do it like porn star.

Unfortunate, porn seem for be sex instruction video for many peoples. In Svutlana opinion, porn too often look like assemble line in Barbie fuck factory. Like Svutlana for watch something with little bit more realism. Lose me many neighbors this way.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009 03:56 PM
Original article: Your vagina is ugly

Ms Kate get Svutlana Mad!

In good way! Thank you Ms Kate!!

If watch porns for sure think you that vulva is suppose for look like symmetric place card holder for dinner party that make Martha Stewart with artichoke and one gooseberry. Porn camera and porn lights like for gather round vagina and look up close like it be entrance for Temple of Poon. Think Svutlana vulva is suppose for look little bit scare, like something that find you inside seashell, and every vulva is suppose for look different.

If can see you little bit labia between leg when stand in front of mirror and no like you one bit, just tuck inside and forget about or use little bit scotch tape.

If vagina could speak, for sure labia be involve with form consonant sounds, especial letter "B". And if your vagina could speak, for sure it say "Please leave my beautiful lips alone!".

And if you proceed for nip and tuck lips anyway, for sure vagina call you " ig fuck itch!"

Most Active Letters Threads

530

Do Obama officials know what his Afghanistan plan is?

What explains the completely contradictory statements from key aides on a central plank of the war strategy?
260

A new report questions "suicides" at Guantanamo

Why is the Obama DOJ attempting to block judicial review of three highly suspicious deaths?
224

I live in a van down by Duke University

How do I afford grad school without going into debt? A '94 Econoline, bulk food and creative civil disobedience
128

Is my kids making me not smart?

Stay-at-home fatherhood dulls my intellect to a nub. Excuse me while I ponder the subtext of "Hippos Go Berserk"
126

Trig, the anti-abortion straw baby

Sarah Palin's son is being used to demonize pro-choicers

View all »

Letters Help

Currently in Salon