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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Svutlana
Published Letters: 385 Editor's Choice: 10
No understand Svutlana one bit why Texas, where everything suppose for be big, no allow sex toy until February 14, 2008. And even when final allow big Texas sex toy, one judge disagree! In Svutlandia--little island in Baltic Sea where come from Svutlana--place us sex toy beside pudding spoon on formal table set.
Seem for me, make more sense for ban toy gun than toy penis. For sure judge who disagree see Platypussy 1600 buzz machine with 6.5 inch and sixteen function in window of naughty peoples store and no like one bit.
Platypussy 1600 can wiggle and vibrate at different speed with up down arrow key and big bug on top with antenna that tickle. And Platypussy can whip cream too!
Like me buzz machine lot. Go for store for naughty peoples with friend and never see so many buzz machine in all life me. Store clean and bright, little bit like drug store only with very different ways for make feel better. See me buzz machine in flesh colour with red top and big vein on side. Frayed maybe mens outside store miss...no like me one bit!
Think me Texas judge need light up and no be intimidate with machine that please womens. It just buzz machine that give womens physical please. Need real person for mind please and real penis for intimate please and that where real Texan come in, so speak.
Fortunate, no machine can ever replace people who want for call machine that give womens please illegal.
No machine ever replace, but maybe should.
Svutlana
Dear Svutlana,
I have a big problem and you're the only person in the world who can possibly help me. I paid for sex with some very attractive and talented women, but that isn't the problem: the problem is I was caught and publicly humiliated. I have a long track record of serving the public interest and prosecuting wrongdoers and don't believe that this scandal should derail me, although admittedly I have some fence repair to do at home with my wife.
What should I do, Svutlana?
Emperor
Dear Mr Emperor,
See Svutlana premature short press conference on television and for sure you extreme stupid mens, Mr Emperor. In Svutlandia prostitution is complete legal, but nobody go for prostitute unless need learn how for have sex. Young boy go or mens who need remedial train. Svutlandia prostitute is nice womens with blackboard, teach material and long list of book for read. Give homework and pass or fail mark at end of intercourse, depend on if have prostitute multiple orgasm. This no one bit easy for do!
If go for prostitute in Svutlandia and over age eighteen, name is print inside newspaper beside obituary and everybody laugh because say this mens have absolute no idea how for have sex and have for pay someone for show.
Maybe pay you $4,300 for rent apartment for watch sunset too, Mr Emperor. Svutlana have only one piece vice for you: do wife favour and give nice divorce with big settle so she can find other mens who know how for have sex.
Svutlana
Dear Ms Sarah,
It seem for me if Mr Larry King have Mr Charles Darwin on show and ask why monogamy more rare than Larry King think provoke question, Mr Darwin answer simple that all animal need seed spread for make flower species.
Mix natural human animal urge for make happy happy with many many with brain that dream up religion and get you monogamy on magic mushroom--Larry King with six wife or Eliot Spitzer with one wife and many prostitute or David Paterson with many lover and one wife with many lover or Jim McGreevey with one wife and one gay lover for make three-way...
Think me monogamy good idea with bad implements. Maybe need change name from monogamy that sound like same game play over and over and over to something with more appeal. Maybe change monogamy to erotomatia, new word that sound little bit pervert.
Just idea.
Svutlana
Dear Ms Sarah,
Svutlana again. No like me one bit when peoples point out spell mistake when word no very far off. Understand me mean you Gauloises because use word sophisticate and smoke and come very close with spell.
Maybe if write galoshes, then Ms Lola have reason for complain.
Svutlana
(Sorry for have little bit fun with you Ms Lola.)
Dear Ms Sarah,
Think me it little bit sad for want labia like rose petal because hear about "magic vagina". For sure hygiene very import, but vulva no suppose for look like private part that Martha Stewart make out of artichoke and gooseberry for placehold at dinner table.
Think me vulva suppose for look little bit scare like something find inside seashell. Maybe little bit droop, but why womens care when can only see if lie on back with mirror in hand? If can see little bit snowflake between leg when stand in front mirror and no like one bit, just tuck inside and forget about or use little bit scotch tape.
Svutlana
Dear Ms Catherine,
Unfortunate, Bimbo game is simple Barbie who is able for inflate and deflate. Think me Barbie is evil too because if try for have Barbie body in real life, get you big plastic surgeon bill and for sure tip you over or at least have very bad back problem.
Problem have Svutlana with Bimbo is that it have zero creative. Game tell girl exact what for do. At least when play Barbie can think up many way for rip head off or do split while spin head or jump up and down on Ken. This come in handy later in life when need for rip head off someone or multi-task or jump and and down on mens.
Bimbo teach girl to follow instruct with no think. This is how all other problem start. For boy and for girl.
Svutlana
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