Compassion is not the opposite of being judgmental. And not being judgmental does not mean you are not allowed to think that the person you're talking to has made some clearly stupid decisions.

I have several friends that I love dearly, that sometimes see a bad decision and head straight for it like ducks to water. In fact, I've been friends so long with them that I can see these decisions coming long before they can, have a conversation with them about how much they should not make said decision, have them agree with me, and receive a hysterical phone call a few weeks later about the fact that they have decided to make the decision anyway, and it has, as predicted, turned out poorly. For years and years, this has gone on, and I know now that there's nothing I can do for them. They are wonderful, loving people, but I cannot help them make the decisions that would allow them to be happy. So I go, and I have the conversation in the beginning with them, and I point out the qualities that they're in denial about that make them make the bad decision, and when they make it anyway, I take their phone call and refrain as much as possible from saying "Yes, well, you SHOULD feel stupid," or "I TOLD you this would happen."

There is a Buddhist principle about happiness that they don't get: If you can have a small happiness immediately, or a large happiness in some time, it is wisdom to forgo the immediate pleasure for the larger one.

That's okay: I can accept that they have chosen their form of happiness. I can accept that they probably have some sort of issue that seems simple to me to solve that they cannot.

Compassion means that knowing they are going to make stupid decisions, I still occasionally offer solace, and I don't give up hope that eventually, they will figure out how not to fuck up. It means that I think that happiness - and learning how to make the decisions that will make oneself happy - can, to an extent, be infectious.

I was depressed for many years when I was younger. It is the happy people I have known and emulated, that have enabled me to fight that depression. Compassion means that even when they could see me making decisions that would learn to my own unhappiness, they did not remove their example from me.

It doesn't mean that one has to completely repress that fact that I think they've done something stupid, cause sometimes they need the disapproval of someone they respect. It just means that I don't disapprove and wash my hands.

PS. Perhaps the reason LW can say she has made no real mistakes is because she has learned from them. If you learn from a mistake, it is not a mistake, it is a learning experience. If you repeatedly make bad decisions, those are mistakes, because you did not see that the consequences would be the same.

If I ever become famous, Victoria's Secret will be the first place I take out. I will go on Oprah, or maybe Tyra, and cry about how unfair it is that Victoria's Secret doesn't carry the sizes their models wear. Where do those bras go? Do you have to be a Vicky's model to get them? Is Tyra Banks hoarding all of the bras in my size? Then I will create a national campaign demanding that VS either carry the sizes their models wear, or officially announce that they are the preferred retailer for smallish-breasted women.

There is no other way to explain why a broad assumption is wrong than to share specific evidence. And while it's wrong to share the personal stories of someone else, it can be a choice made by an individual to share their own story.

The reason why its important to at times, "over-share" is because we are attempting to normalize certain courses of action. We are trying to say "this is how it was for me, and if that's you too, then it isn't as weird and abnormal as you thought." We speak, particularly online, to people who aren't hearing that message in everyday life. There is no friend taking them aside and saying "look, when I was twenty, things were like this."

The over-share is a literary movement. It is about exposing popular assumptions to be inapplicable to specific lives. It is a reaction to a world that prescribes standards of behavior that are not realistic.

And it is that same world that reacts to the idea of female sexuality made banal, and says they "don't want to know," that "it is too much information." Too bad. If the world is going to constantly attempt to convince me that I am supposed to be abstinent, supposed to be hooking up, supposed to be a supermodel to be loved, supposed to be smart or stupid in relation to any of these things... then I'll be damned if it doesn't have to listen to the fact that there isn't something wrong with me just because I think the world is wrong.