Letters to the Editor
asage
Published Letters: 41 Editor's Choice: 6
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Sheesh, people, give the guy a break.
[Read the article: My boyfriend stinks]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]So he's a slob, compared to a liar, and possibly clinically depressed? That's ridiculous. Is it possible to note that americans are in the minority in this obsession with removing all natural odor? Don't get me wrong; I'm not a patchouli-hippy or anything. I just find it odd that we pass judgement so quickly on someone who doesn't shower every day.
There might also be a larger underlying problem that doesn't cast aspersions on either person. We should trust our noses more. Body odor can give you a lot of information about a prospective mate. Women, when choosing by odor alone, consistently choose men whose immune systems differ from their own. I don't mean to imply that she should break up with him because their kids won't be as healthy. Rather, I mean that disliking someone's odor can be a powerful (and subliminal) drive to find other problems. Of course, a woman's attractive odors change with the menstrual cycle. During ovulation, we like more testosterone. The rest of the time, not as much. Family members dislike each other's smells. In fact, the greater the genetic difference between two people, the more we like the body odor. The problem is further compounded by the fact that we humans associate odors with emotional memories. These emotional memories can have physiological consequences as well. The smell of a food that once made you sick (bananas for me) can upset your stomach years after the event. The same odor makes other people salivate.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that what smells good and what stinks is often a matter of preference. I wonder how many relationships have ended because of this without either party even knowing. So it might be best if she just said, "I like how you smell after a shower." Saying he stinks isn't true. There's probably a woman out there who finds his particular cocktail of chemicals delectable.
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Wow, this letter certainly struck a nerve!
[Read the article: How can I improve relations between the sexes?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've just finished reading all 31 pages of responses to this letter, and I'm flummoxed. Obviously, LW is on to something here. The only problem is that he made a statement instead of a question. It seems both men and women are angry - although this isn't anything new. We've now engaged in a battle for who is less enfranchised.
Anyway, to the point...
All you men out there. What can I do to improve relations between the sexes? I'm a 28 year old, married woman beginning a doctoral degree in science. I don't complain about men keeping me down (so don't tell me to stop complaining.) I'm not going to go into politics, so I can't change any laws. I am an individual woman who can't be summed up in a statement about "women." Still, I think there are some things I can do. I'd like you to treat this as an honest question.
I sometimes wonder if you men would like us to vocally appreciate the steps we have taken. I think maybe you would appreciate an acknowledgement that women alone did not bring about these recent changes in society. Yes, women are generally the only one who press the issue, but it didn't happen in a vacuum. Yes, we've had to fight every step of the way, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't acknowledge the recent victories. I wonder if you'd like us to acknowledge that these changes have come with some sacrifices by you. For one, you now have a lot more competetition in the job market. You must compete with workers that often employ different styles of competetition. And before someone makes a statement like, "Oh too bad! Now they have to compete with us after keeping us down for so long!" I'd like to point out that I'm not addressing this to "Man". That statement certainly applies to "Man". However, I'm addressing this to individuals who aren't responsible for the trends of our society; to individuals that must learn to cope with all of the newness of the women's movement. I hate it when men lump me into the category "Woman."
This new movement of enfranchising women is an excellent opportunity to look at the ways our society affects both of the sexes through unequal treatment. I disagree with Brightstar on many of his points, but my heart goes out to him because he feels so helpless. That feeling of helplessness is exactly what I want to avoid for myself. I wish helplessness on no one. We women ARE very lucky that we can choose between career and family (even though we're required to choose.) While there are a growing number of men who stay home with children, it is a move which society certainly doesn't make easy. I don't know. All of these things are just thoughts I've had. I'm not a male hater or a male apologist; I think we should focus on the full range of effects of the women's movement in as dispassionate a light as possible.
So, how about it? Might I address the same question to women? I for one, wish for more men who acknowledge that we haven't achieved equality yet. In my college department there is only one tenured female professor. I hate it when professors tell me this is due to a lack of qualified women. Other schools don't seem to have this problem! I love it when men feel they should play a part in changing discrepancies such as these, rather than assuming it's a problem that only applies to women. All thoughts are welcome.