In agreement with many of the other responses, it sounds to me like your problem is more that you're a really light sleeper than that you necessarily have any issues with intimacy. In addition to trying some of the suggestions people have made here--white noise machine, earplugs, different mattress--it's probably a good idea to see a doctor about it. There are all sorts of natural and pharmaceutical remedies that help people sleep more deeply--surely there's one out there that'll suit your needs, and most general practitioners see patients about sleep problems all the time and have a wide range of potential solutions right at their fingertips. I had the same problem, and for me, a tiny dose of Klonopin, prescribed by my GP, a little before bed each night solved it. Hopefully you can find a non-pharmaceutical solution, but if all else fails, it's likely that some drug or another can do the trick without unwanted side effects.

I find it saddening that so many people felt the need to write in for the sole purpose of bashing this girl for having dared to say (in print, no less!) that she truly has significantly more than the usual range of options, and that (god forbid!) she feels overwhelmed by all the choices.

To the doubters, how do you know she isn't supernaturally talented? And to those screaming for her to "stop whining," where's your sense of compassion? Is it SO hard for you to imagine having a few too many choices, even in this day and time when limitless choice is thought to be a luxury?

Especially considering the reasons why she's stuck--it's not like she's trying to choose the path that will make her the most wealthy, or famous, or even highly respected. She's trying to choose a path that will both allow her to feel--at the end of the day--like she's used her life well, and also served the world well. And maybe she really CAN get into any graduate program she wants. Some people have it like that.

I should be wary of saying it here, but I have been in her shoes. Yeah, really, and I'm the last one to toot my own horn. I rarely talk to anyone about it, for fear of getting bashed and derided just like she's getting, but it's so visible that people say it FOR me--"Jeez, you've got so many options I can see why you're stuck." But I'm finally figuring it out, with the help of friends, therapy, and more life experience (I'm 36, and finally heading for grad school to study philosphy, physics and nonfiction writing).

Guess I'm lucky enough to have friends who aren't bitter or jealous and care enough to call it like it is so I don't have to hide, even if I've been embarrassed to do so myself. There's no shame in being overwhelmed by too many very real options. So either wish this girl well, or leave her the hell alone!

Whatever the deep psychosociological underpinnings of this guy's situation are--and hoo, boy, are there many--the bottom line is this: For some reason he feels the need to dress really gay (and yeah, of course that's a stereotype, but we all know what it means anyway), and likes it when gay men hit on him, even in front of his wife. The woman who's down with that is unique in all the world, and probably a masochist. The guy's not an idiot, he knows this.

Even if it's true that if she dressed better the boys would chill out (and maybe it is), she shouldn't have to do a damn thing to stop her husband from being a jerk to her. He needs to check himself, period. Then check in with his friendly local therapist.

It's astounding how many people have this problem (including me), and how we all manage to hide it from all but those closest to us. What does it say about our society, the way we're living, that we feel we have so many overwhelming choices, and so much overbearing pressure to make them well, that we're all frozen in place, and hiding away our suffering?

And so many different names for the problem (procrastination? coasting? ... whatever), and solutions being proposed, ranging from self-help books to drugs to therapy to beating ourselves about the head to interventions by dear friends... What's really going on?

Damned if I know, and frankly I'm tired of trying to figure it out. But I know what's finally helping me, to some degree, for whatever it's worth: the drug Lamictal as an antidepressant (it works in an entirely different way from Prozac and Paxil and the other SSRIs, none of which helped me), and Klonopin, which helps me get a good night's sleep. The sleep thing is key--many people are anxious wrecks without good, deep sleep, and once they start getting some, the world and its endless demands seem WAY more manageable.

I'm under no illusion that the drugs are solving the problem themselves, and I hope I won't need them forever. But for now, they're help me feel clearheaded and undepressed enough to begin to sort out my problems, get some perspective, and gradually get my act together. Maybe they can help others too.