I am so sorry you were put in this position. How dare he treat the mother of his children in such a shabby, disgusting way. Since Cary fell down on the job, here is my advise to you:

Do not be a doormat. Do not tolerate being spoken to or treated as if you are the one getting in the way of his happiness. Remember this man just trashed your life together. What have you and the children been to him, a hobby, something to pass the time until somthing more exiting comes around?

Be prepared to find out about the other party. He will deny it. He will call you crazy. Remember you are not the crazy party here, he is. There is absolutely another woman(or another man) involved - no exceptions.

See a lawyer pronto. This will cost about $500.00 for the initial consulation. It will be worth it. You will get to know your rights. This knowledge is power. If a divorce is to go through, let him be the one to pay for the high priced attorney. Remember nothing happens unless you sign off on it.

Know your assets. Since we are sure that he has a girlfriend, any joint owned assets MUST not be used for an exotic courtship of the new hussy. Make sure you have withdrawn enough money to set aside for the care and feeding of your family (a few months worth ), for you WILL..........

Kick him out of the house immediately!

I know you love him, and certainly need him, but a man that announces that he NEVER loved you and only married you out of pity is not longer a worthy marriage partner. How dare he EVER speak to you in this matter. Give him one hour to pack his bags and leave. There is a risk that he moves in with his girlfriend, but this knowledge up front will save you the money on hiring a private detective to tail him.

After you have kicked him out of the house - CHANGE THE LOCKS! He can no longer just show up without an appointment. Nor will he be able to start taking stuff in order to make his life comfortable for him and the girl that he is absolutely seeing.

I know that you just had a baby, but it is important to get a good haircut, and try to wear a little makeup. This crappy man has made you feel like you are now used up and should be discarded. A woman with some red lipstick and a good manicure states to the world that they are not ready for the trash heep.

Stay a good mother, and don't disparage their father in front of them, nor use the children as a club to punish him.

After he realizes the horror that he visited on his family, he will come to his senses. Maybe this is a good thing, or maybe with time you will find that you are well rid of this piece of garbage. I have an inkling that he will come crawling back. It is up to you to decide if you can forgive him for the affair .....Yes, there is a girlfriend. Since you have taken the steps above, he will realize that he did not marry a shrinking violet and that you have made clear what will and will not be tolerated.

Good luck to you.

I for one am utterly bewildered. Perhaps it is the poverty-chic Lifetime-movie-for-women middle-class-like-me boilerplate that has me scratching my head. Of course, fortunes can be gained or lost when least expected, with or without advanced degrees. Therefore, a level of economic insecurity is a prefectly rational and healthy fear for any grownup. That is why it is essential for responsible adults to do the math pretty far in advance and put creative forces at work to make it all work, especially for the sake of young children. Is is too much to ask that a parent places the feeding of her kids as the top priority above all other expenses?

It appears as if Ms. Ryan was incapable of doing this level of advanced mathmatics, and her inept handling of her own finances has inspired some disturbing random thoughts.

Does Salon fact-check? Instinct compells me to ask.

Is this woman an orphan? Any siblings? Best girlfriends? Is her ex entirely coldhearted? Does he know that his offspring are eating at soup kitchens? At least he was paying child support. I know of quite a few women who manage without one dime from their ex-husbands and they are not forced into soup lines.

In terms of daycare, wouldn't an au pair have been cheaper? Is it rational to continue paying this insanely large amount of money when you can't put food on the table.

What kind of maternal instincts are at operation when you admit to "a house full of food" and still expose your children to eating in a soup kitchen? After all, she did share with us that they "were the only children there." She also stated that she had to "swallow her pride," but failed to adequately recognize that her children had to do the same. Is it possible that Heather could have been using her children as props for a creative writing assignment? (Please don't get all excited, I frequently volunteer at a food pantry here in New York City, and even with this economy, it is still mostly populated by people plagued with drug and alcohol abuse.)

What adult quotes their GPA from graduate school? Heather, having a graduate degree is now rather commonplace, and the repeated reference to it is childish, grandiose, and gauche.