An example:

"My god people - get a grip! Because you donated money to the Obama campaign doesn't mean you get to run the inaugural."

People aren't "wanting to run the inaugural" - they don't want someone who proudly uses hate speech against them as part of it.

Exactly why is this unreasonable?

Warren has compared "gay marriage to incest, pedophilia" (his own words). Exactly why is this acceptable?

Would you be happy if Obama used a member of the KKK or the American Nazi party? Exactly what do the KKK or Nazis say about blacks and Jews that's worse than calling them "child rapists"?

This sort of behavior should not be acceptable in a pluralistic society.

Mr. Obama has given us the message loud and clear since he was elected that he is not by any stretch of the imagination a progressive. He's continuing the War on Drugs, stepping up the War in Afghanistan, backing away from his Iraq timetable, backing away from repealing Bush's tax rollbacks on the ultra-rich.

Mr. Obama was the only possible choice. McCain was so dreadful. The US has a chance to fix things up; I no longer believe Mr. Obama will do it.

Note the central plot element: Dean Witter gets two dozen people to work for them, for two months, AND DOES NOT PAY THEM. They are expected to have hundreds of thousands of sales in that time. At the end of this, *at most one* of the candidates gets a job - the rest get nothing at all. For two months' work.

The main character gets ahead by using his son to break the ice so he can pretend to be friendly with rich people so he can sell them his securities. Meanwhile, he's reduced to sleeping in a public toilet with the kid.

But at the end, it's all OK because he starts his own brokerage firm!

Vile. Despicable. Dean Witter must think this sort of thing is morally good because they allowed their name to be used in the film. It is not.

20 more people who believe that infinite consumption and complete lack of responsibility are their birthright as Americans.

Check my signature for a very tasteless joke...

"The Marching Morons" was just Kornbluth. "Search the Skies" is an example of a Pohl/Kornbluth collaboration with the de-evolution theme in it.

Wow, I didn't see one adult posting here!

Do you know, it's quite possible that ex- is both a) an annoying pain in the ass and b) a basically decent, frightened human being.

It's quite possible that the husband is a) madly in love with LW and b) concerned about the woman who he spent decades with.

And why do all the strategies have to be Sturm-und-Drang?

Here's my prescription: take it for what you will.

0. Take charge yourself.

This won't resolve itself on your own. Take charge (but reasonably, see below).

1. get all the facts. I think you're quite within your rights to insist upon seeing the actual medical report. If it's not forthcoming, I think you're reasonable to assume it doesn't exist.

2. *sit down and talk with all parties face-to-face*.

See my comments above? She might be a psycho, but she might well be someone who's somewhat confused about what they think.

3. Many compromises are possible.

Despite all the vitriol, there might be many compromises. Let's assume that LW's lover does not have the money to simply continue the same health insurance separately (which is the best solution).

Perhaps a contract could be written, where LW's lover affirms his loyalty to LW, but at the same time promises to continue to be married in name to his wife *only until such time as this medical issue is resolved* (and you need explicit, verifiable conditions).

No one really "wins" on that one, but everyone preserves the things that are most important to them, and more important, everyone is aware that everyone else has sacrificed something for the others.

Many other compromises are possible.

4. Be prepared to walk out.

Make sure your demands are reasonable - insisting on negotiation, for example, seems undeniably reasonable.

Then be prepared to walk out, as calmly as possible, if no progress is being made. I strongly suspect this will be necessary to establish a strong bargaining position.

If the other parties know you won't use your nuclear option, they will know that you are not coming to the table from a position of strength and you will get nowhere.

You might even consider a pre-emptive walk out: tell your lover that you need a couple of weeks to clarify things, no aspersions on him, and simply vanish. Don't even call him/email him for a week. You can do a week, right? Heck, why not take a holiday somewhere? You deserve it! I'm sure there will be tons of ultra-cheap places to go in January of this year. But DON'T CALL AND DON'T WRITE. He'll be fine. Really!

I really believe that this would clear up everyone's perceptions, including your own.

But *you* have to take charge. No one else in this story can.

Very best luck to you.

Hey, Cary, have you thought of running follow-ups to the letters you get? It'd be nice to know that people really did get good results from the advice...