"racist" BLAH!

I assume none of you losers whining at the letter writer live in New York City. I've been broken into twice in the 25 years I've been here - and I was lucky, one time they took a lot of things, one time very little.

But I know people who've been badly beaten in push-in robberies.

Is this common? No! But we all know it happens. And with women, there's the additional possibility of rape.

Criminals will definitely use the race card to guilt you into letting them into a building, too - it's happened to me. (Actually, I don't know the character was a criminal but he was certainly lying about why he was trying to get in...) Criminals have dressed up as repairmen, delivery people, security guards.

Very rare, yes, but it happens to someone around here every day. So no sane person lets strangers into their building.

SHE IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT NOT TO LET STRANGERS INTO HER BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, END OF STORY.

I went through a decade of Canadian healthcare and my parents did most of their lives.

Like everywhere else, there are shortfalls but it's cheap, efficient, and friendly. You generally don't get kept in the waiting for two *hours* after your appointment time (which regularly happens to me with the best insurance in the US) and you therefore drop in to the doctor for a quick visit if you're worried about something.

I've twice had friends here in the US end up in the hospital with pneumonia because they didn't have the money to spend to go to the doctor.

And the doctors here are always trying to sell you crap you don't need. I've twice been recommended expensive operations for minor conditions here (one simply a pulled ligament!), both times I got a second opinion and a *thorough* examination and no operation was needed (and I'm still fine, over a decade later). They sell you ultra-expensive drugs when cheap substitutes are actually a better fit.

Canadian health care is *great*.

“Mike, I don’t understand what the problem is. We are just trying to look under the hood,” Garver said.

“If you are looking under the hood, then you are calling me a liar,” Griffin replied. “Because it means you don’t trust what I say is under the hood."

After all, it's not like anyone in the Bush administration has ever told a lie, is it?

My theory is that Griffin is out as of January 21. He's done a pretty lousy job but more, Mr. Obama will use him as an example - cooperate or lose your job.

Lots of bad feeling there towards the Letter Writer. Aren't we supposed to be helping them?

First, we don't actually know what LW did. LW is clearly extremely guilty about it and uses very strong terms but we really don't know what e did except for have an affair.

People do amazingly good and bad things under the influence of passion. It is a temporary madness, like a disease, except it's a disease that can often lead to great good - but not this time.

Second, do note that LW stated e wanted therapy very strongly:

I've read your column and enjoyed it, but always with a heaping scoop of skepticism and amusement. Therapy? Hah. Counseling? A crutch. Deep self-reflection? Give me a break.

For years I harbored demons I thought I could control. I knew their source, but I was master over them. Apparently I wasn't.

I'm now committed to all of it. I'm determined to find out why I did what I did and figure out a way to make sure it never happens again, whatever it takes.

This means: "I felt therapy was dumb. I was wrong. Please help me."

Third, Cary's advice was bang on as (almost) always. Some things are not fixable. This might not be fixable. It's certain that attempting to directly fix it back to the way it used to be will break it more.

LW, you cannot go back, you must go forward. Perhaps you will meet your family again in the future, perhaps not, but you cannot go back.

And finally, let me give you some absolution - I don't think you're a monster - you just sound like some regular person who made a lot of bad and selfish decisions. I don't get the impression that anyone died, was mutilated or even ended up living on the street. You could make up for this - not to the victims unless you're lucky, but to the world in general.

Good luck!