Letters to the Editor
Michael Huggins
Published Letters: 33 Editor's Choice: 6
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Not All Negs are Created Equal
[Read the article: The artful seducer]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Despite Mortal's nuanced comments, the general tone of the conversation seems to be sliding downhill, for reasons I can't quite put my finger on. If anyone is still reading, I want to say that I think the Cocoa Lady's posts are among the most sensible in the thread. Yes, the crassness and clumsiness that one encounters from fools are enough to make one swear off socializing altogether. Still, I think it should be acknowledged that there are negs and then there are negs.
Upon entering a meeting once, I saw that the only untaken seat was next to a woman who was obviously sharp, self-possessed, and very likely a couple of pay grades above me (which turned out to be true). She was doing something with her Palm Pilot. I sat down, leaned over, and murmured, "That's a neat trick, bringing one's Game Boy to a meeting and pretending to do business. Very clever." She understood at once, and things threatened to go on from there. That they finally did not was for other reasons.
Another time, I met another equally intelligent woman, an accomplished project leader for a major corporation, who gave me an interesting description of her hobby selling various plants on eBay. I listened attentively and said, "It would never have occurred to me to try marketing marijuana on the internet, but nothing ventured, nothing gained." Because she was obviously so mature and conservative in her self-presentation, the remark was clearly preposterous and was taken as such, but it still had its desired effect.
It seems to me that the technique of harmless teasing is employed by both sexes, and for good reason; used the right way, it signals self-confidence and playfulness. Like anything, it can be abused.
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What difference does it make what the others do?
[Read the article: I feed the poor but eat with the rich]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Tennis mentioned Jesus, and that reminded me of the episode in the Gospels where two sisters, Mary and Martha, invited Jesus to their home for a meal, and Martha complained that she was doing all the serving. Jesus told her to stop worrying about Mary and consider her own situation.
The LW's lament reminds me also of a Buddhist parable about four monks who took a vow of silence for a week. On the first evening, the lamp went out, so one of them told a servant to light the lamp. The second scolded him for speaking and breaking their joint vow. The third reproved the first two for talking, and the fourth thought to himself, "I am the only one who has not talked." If that were a modern parable, I suppose the fourth monk would write to Salon.
The LW's friends are obtuse, all right, but he is closer to their condition than he realizes when he describes their meal preparation as "hard work." No one who really knows what hard work is--e.g., laboring on a dock, a construction site, or a farm--would call what they are doing hard work. The LW is more infected by their rather clueless suburban attitude than he knows.
So having served the homeless, his friends feel entitled to a reward and head for a menu of crepes and mimosas. They never get to know the people they have served. And yes, it's true, they're missing out on the opportunity to learn and grow. I have helped with a homeless outreach program, where two friends of mine, a married couple, would rent a church, round up the homeless in their clunky old van, set out a hot meal for them, and then hold a short chapel service, during which some of the homeless paid polite attention while others among them howled, cursed, and threw up. Indeed, there came a time when one of the homeless produced a bicycle chain from his pocket and struck the husband on the head as he sang his rendition of "At the Cross" for them. We pretty well saw it all. The homeless are like anyone else, a mixed bag, just more open about it.
It never seems to occur to the LW that if he goes to a restaurant and buys his mimosa, his money is mostly likely helping to employ minimum wage food service workers who might otherwise be--well, homeless. So again, his naivete is showing. I would suggest that he do as he wishes, stay behind and enjoy a simple meal if he likes, conceivably make some new friends and quite possibly get his pocket picked, try to learn from his experiences, good or bad, and not worry about whether his friends are or are not on as enlightened a path as he imagines he is.