Letters to the Editor
lthyrone
Published Letters: 5 Editor's Choice: 1
-
It's about getting the baby here safely
[Read the article: Ricki Lake's "awesome" vagina]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]After giving birth twice (recently, at that) in a progressive community and revelling in all manner of my friends' birth stories, I have to say this: Too often women (yes, you Ricki Lake) are making childbirth about themselves, their experience. It's not about how you feel while giving birth, if it's some fantastically satisfying and "healing" event in your life. Ideally, giving birth would be all those things. But, really, childbirth is about getting the baby here -- and out of you -- safely and in good health by whatever means necessary.
Both of my deliveries were difficult; both babies got stuck in the chute. My vagina is also awesome, but not so awesome that it could change the way my second baby was facing or get both of her shoulders out from under my pelvic bone. My doctor did that. If I had attempted "natural" childbirth at home -- or even with a less skilled OB/GYN -- at the very least my child would be damaged, likely dead, and I could've very well died along with her.
That's the reality of childbirth. It's not all golden sunshine and immediate bonding. Bad things naturally happen, as they do everywhere in nature. The experience of labor and delivery is brief -- guilt and sorrow over babies needlessly hurt or dead last forever. Why risk your baby's life?
I'll say this, too: Both of my babies had to go to the nursery for oxygen and observation. My husband/their father was with them every moment they were not with me. I was frantic with worry and fear -- welcome to parenthood! -- but they were bonding with their dad. And I would again gladly give up those first hours with them in order to not risk their lives.
They're alive! They're here! I don't give a damn that I couldn't walk for hours or pee for days or couldn't cuddle them to my breast all covered in goo. They live, they breathe, we love.
-
A Clear Dividing Line
[Read the article: My husband won't do his laundry]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It seems like the majority of posters sympathetic to the LW are women who do the laundry. And it seems like the unsympathetic -- even ridiculously aggressive -- posters are men who don't do laundry. Interesting...
A previous poster is right -- laundry does make people crazy. Makes me crazy. I do all the laundry for a family of 4 (inc. 2 toddlers and a husband who goes through several pairs of socks a day for reasons I just don't understand), and it's a neverending pain in my ass. Everyone in a house makes dirty clothes, but not everyone cleans the clothes. It's that lack of chipping in that drives me nuts. I tried making my husband do his own damn laundry (out of spite, yes of course), but it was a waste of water and energy do to extra loads just to make a point.
So, maybe the LW's husband could help with the laundry. Why should one person do it all anyway? I get mine to help me lug it up and down the stairs each week. True, it's no big deal to rotate it between washer and dryer, but hauling it around the house, sorting it, folding it and hanging it up and putting it all away in everyone's dressers and closets can turn it into a huge chore. It's a much bigger job than mowing the lawn whenever, and laundry has to be done every week.
Anyway, try making it a group effort. Perhaps that would help solve some of the power struggle issues, and maybe the LW's husband would see just how much work laundry really is. And those grandkids are old enough to pitch in and see how a family works together to run a household. Unlike husbands, two-year-olds actually like to help! (That was a joke, btw).
-
Imagine she's your sister by blood and not your sister-in-law-to-be...
[Read the article: I want a perfect wedding, but my in-laws are trashy]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]If this pregnant young woman were your sister, would you prevent her from attending your wedding? If your sister had a newborn, would you tell her and that niece or nephew to sit this one out? If your sister fell accidentally pregnant by an imperfect man would you try to oust her from your family? Seriously.
Well, LW, I hate to break it to you, but this woman who is engaged to your fiance's brother will be your sister when you get married. And if you have any grace whatsoever, you will begin treating her like your sister now -- with love and acceptance and support.
Also, do you really want to come off like a royal ass at your own wedding? Seriously. Do you want to be the bride who told a new mom to leave her nursing child at home or in a group of germy kids and one sitter? Sure, kids aren't always the best wedding guests and don't need to be invited. But aside from sleeping and eating and perhaps blowing out his diaper during your vows, what harm can a newborn do? This baby will be nothing more disruptive than a dozy little eating machine at your wedding.
Give them a chance. Worst case, some uncontrollable infant bodily function will go haywire and bring some levity to the reception. Fifteen years after my cousin's first wedding, the one thing my mom and I remember (and still laugh about) was my aunt getting peed on by her new grandson. And that's what weddings are all about!