Letters to the Editor
Pastafarians Unite!
Published Letters: 193 Editor's Choice: 5
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Jesus H. Christ
[Read the article: Should we euthanize the Yorkie?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I have eaten puppies and guinea pigs as food.
We, as Americans, spend more on pet care than other countries do on health care for humans. I have a cat and a lizard that I currently care for. My next door neighbor has a diabetic cat that she gives insulin shots to. She can't go on vacation without a caregiver who knows how to manager her cat's blood sugar.
I was born in a ranching community in northern Montana. I ate what I killed.
How did we get to the point that our pets get treated better than African people's children?
I am not a vegan so I survive off the by-products of animals. The American fascination with photogenic mega-fauna is so typical of our approach to reality. I think I prefer the Hindu approach where one treats all animals as equal or the rancher approach where all animals are treated as product.
Pax
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I'll call names:
[Read the article: Seven years later, he's still changing the tone]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I want the Washington press corpse to be known as the
Lazy, Lying Lapdogs of the Larcenous Oligarchy.
Pax
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As 7th of 9 children - and a December 17th birthday -
[Read the article: The K Chronicles]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I always felt cheated. Everyone was always more excited about getting out of school or Santa or something. I remember several times where there was a "oh my goodness, we forgot!" and a last minute scramble for presents.
I always intended to do a half-birthday - sometime in May - where I get something besides woolly socks or warm jackets. It sucks when you know the only gifts you get for the year come in a one week window - then you wait for another year for another bite at the apple.
The old joke - "We'll give you half of your presents now and half in a week!" wasn't funny the first time. It was often apparent that my gifts were fewer and more "practical" than my little brother's who was lucky enough to be born in June. With nine children, the Christmas budget was stretched pretty thin.
So when I got old enough - I bought myself presents and took myself out to dinner. When I developed the chutzpah, I started throwing myself birthday parties.
I used to get disappointed and sad when no one remembered, but eventually I learned, the hard way, that I am responsible for my own happiness.
It may not seem like a big deal, but for kids, being treated as special on their birthday is important.
So parents, if your kid is a December baby - three rules:
1. Real wrapping paper - no christmas stuff.
2. No jokes about gifts - no half now, half later....
3. Full gift parity with any other siblings.
4. Consider a half-birthday - your kid will love you for it.
Pax
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Bay of Pigs?
[Read the article: "Oh, Dana"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Isn't that a BBQ joint outside of Austin?
Pax
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Three cheers for the LLLLO's
[Read the article: The agenda of our pro-war pundit class]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Or the Lazy, Lying Lapdogs of the Larcenous Oligopoly.
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or should that be LLLL's
[Read the article: The agenda of our pro-war pundit class]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]the Lazy Lapdogs of the Larcenous Liars?
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How about the
[Read the article: Huckabee, Romney, Jesus and the devil]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Endumbenment?
As the reference to the Pastafarians - in order to reverse the trends of Endumbenment - from the true words of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (may he wrap you in his noodly tentacles), I present:
The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.
2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, Okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is go fuck yourself, unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
5. I'd really rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
6. I'd really rather you didn't build multi million-dollar churches/temples/mosques/shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
Ending poverty
Curing diseases
Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?
8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/Las Vegas. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gospel_of_the_Flying_Spaghetti_
Monster#The_Eight_.22I.27d_Really_Rather_You_Didn.27ts.22
Pax
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Pardon me,
[Read the article: Kansas O'Flaherty ... Secret Agent]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]while I go back to chewing on tinfoil, running my fingernails across a blackboard, and listening tapes of crying children on airplanes.
That would be so much more fun.
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An unwanted hug vs. being stomped in the face -
[Read the article: "We're all fascists now"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]If Mr. Goldberg can't tell the difference - he should have gone to my grade school.
What a maroon.