Dear LW:

I read your letter initially with amusement on the assumption that it was a joke. On the off chance that my initial assumption was incorrect, I offer this advice: you have to stop.

We're talking about an Internet advice column for God's sake. We come here, we share our pain, we offer advice, maybe we even take some solace from the semi-dire situations letter writers present because they remind us that everybody hurts.

But if you weren't joking, then get a grip. You can't want everything in your world to have some biblical permanence. Whatever value value feature of the Internet (such as Cary's column) have in this age are fleeting and...so what? Do you want every comforting conversation you've ever had, every intimate connection, every reassuring word that passes your ears, etc. reduced to a stone tablet and stored for posterity in a climate-controlled vault? If so, you are in for a world of pain.

No offense, but how did this "piece of writing" make it into Salon? It reads like someone just sat down and transcribed an episode of "Jerry Springer."

I made the subject line of my letter to the editor simple and concise to make a point. It's nice to read things that make sense. I started reading this article and about 3/4 of the way through, it occurred to me that I was barely following it. I then scrolled up to the top where I discovered that it was "excerpted" from a book.

Suggestion: don't "excerpt" something from anything unless it makes sense and is readable on its own without having the entire context of the full book or document surrounding it. If you do so, it makes for a very frustrating (and less than enjoyable or informative) read.

This letter makes no sense and the story makes no sense. I would pay money to sit down with the LW and the other party (the newlywed ex-friends) and hear both sides of the story (with an honest question and answer period to follow).

There's simply a huge chunk of the story missing here.

See title for point of my letter.

Speaking from some experience with law enforcement, it's not just the day-to-day grind and physically crappy stuff you have to do as a cop that you'd hate like searching through the needle-ridden clothing of meth addicts and wrestling with drunk domestic violence suspects who are twice your size (for the most part, it's not like CSI where you ride around in designer plain clothes with a cool badge on your belt and brainstorm about cases between interviewing possible perps with cool, cutting interrogation).

It's the mentality of other cops that would bug you. A lot are cool people, but from what I have seen very few women fit "psychologically" or "intellectually" into the world of cops. Especially highly-educated ones. Cops tend to be quite conservative, not overly educated as in having advanced degrees, a bit crass and prone to locker-room types of conversations/humor which isn't wrong (it's a normal part of male bonding and male-dominated organizations) but which most women find oppressive over time especially when they direct it towards you and your body parts (which they will).

You rarely see a female cop who stays in for many years past her 20's (unless they get to management or somehow find another way off the streets and aren't necessarily "real" cops anymore--becoming something like educational officers at schools and whatnot). Women can definitely be cops, but most wouldn't like it very much (especially highly-educated, liberal ones). You'll feel objectified and ostracized. But you definitely won't have trouble getting dates with your co-workers (whether you want them or not).

The title says it all. You come off as a bit of a spoiled, blue blood, whiner in your letter with concerns about your place in the world that seem particularly unimportant at the moment given world affairs. Yes, give the money away. You don't deserve the money. That's true. Or spend it on a trip you can tell people about for the next 25 years (and how guilty you felt taking it). Who cares?

You seem like an intelligent and reflective person even though, no doubt, your judgment is somewhat clouded by depression, etc.

It sounds like you've been to therapy enough to have learned one of its widely-known "secrets"--for most people it just doesn't work. It can feel good, but it won't cure your ills.

So my point--or rather points.

First, I do feel for you. Your letter started a small parade of comments calling you a whiner, etc. Many letters to Cary deserve such a designation--yours definitely does not. Your problems are real, subtle, and likely insurmountable. And I think that your predicament is real and not to be dismissed.

Second, all of the above notwithstanding, if there is any hope for some level of relief in your life you won't find it in therapy or anywhere. You have to tap some reservoir or reserve that is in you (hopefully) and just claw your way up as far as you can get until the pain or difficulty is as tolerable as it will ever get (you'll probably never reach happy perfection or anything that even resembles it). But your life can definitely be markedly more tolerable if you redo the math or whatever it takes, and figure out how to get out of your deep well of depression, boredom, sense of failure, etc. (you can finish off the list yourself).

So will all those qualifiers, I still think there's real hope for you.