So you give your parents some money and you expect them to be your servants and proxy voters irrespective of their political views? I strongly support gay marriage and believe that the anti-gay marriage initiative in California will FAIL this November and that gives me great joy.

But you need to get over yourself. Gay marriage and homosexual rights are not the only issues in the world right now (we're fighting two wars, the economy is on the verge of collapse, etc.). Your parents are still thinking, voting, independent humans even if they do get money from you--they're not your lap dogs. At least they shouldn't be.

I feel your pain. Oh, that's trite. But I do (or at least think I understand it). I think much of the reason a lot of us just grieve and mourn and cry and stress a lot (but not all of the time) is essentially that our connections to others and the world around us are so limited and the connections we have are so tenuous (or tenuous-seeming) that we fear for our condition and fear that it will only get worse. We fear the few fragile twigs connecting us to the world that supports us will simply snap, simultaneously.

Your daughter is becoming independent and you fear her loss from you life in the way that she has existed. This is both a rational and irrational fear. We fear our kids growing up because our children are virtually the only individuals who, for the most part, simply will never turn their backs on us no matter how severe our deficiencies are. They don't even perceive are deficiencies for the most part. That is part of their magic and part of why their growth and progress towards independence rationally scares the hell out of us. But she will always be there. And there will be transitions when she is further away from you then you would like and you will adjust and as she has kids of your own (read: GRANDCHILDREN) you will have new connections.

The child angle is the only one that I focused on because you mentioned it specifically. I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you. I feel what you feel much of the time. And my advice, which I can only follow myself some of the time, is to simply do anything and everything you can to re-connect to something in this world. People, the needy, family you have lost contact with, interests you never explored, volunteer work, education, exercise... . Just keep moving and get connected. I hope that's not too vague a directive. Good luck.

You are going to leave your wife, no doubt, and go off on your journey to self-discovery. That will be hard for you, but it will be novel and engrossing. Your wife, on the other hand, will be left to deal with the burning embers of her married life without any obvious emotional branch to jump to.

When we explore ourselves and branch out, we tend to be very self-focused and self-involved. Please don't forget the woman and the children you are going to leave behind in all of this. Your wife made her bed (yes, to a degree), but you made promises. Life-long promises. And now you are going to break them. Whether you have good reason or not, you are going to break them and you are going to devastate a woman and two children.

I am not condemning you or saying you shouldn't find your true self. But please remember what you are leaving in your wake and take great care.

Dear Superficial LW:

Your letter cannot be evaluated properly by anyone, including Cary Tennis, without your photo. If you are indeed attractive (highly doubtful, since even shy, insecure beautiful people invariably date innumerable people) then you have the social skills of an atomic bomb.

If, however, you are actually ugly to mediocre (much more likely given your social failures) and view medium to slightly attractive people as gorgeous since you don't know any better (in all likelihood the reality), then you still have the social skills of an atomic bomb but an atomic bomb who needs to radically adjust her standards downward.

(i.e., get over yourself)

The title says it all. This is too absurd to be true and so I suspect that you are exaggerating. If it's accurate, then you need to be very concerned. They are both moving towards an inappropriate child-adult relationship and you need to intervene before your husband commits something along the lines of molestation (or at least he ends up being accused of it).

You have 25 years to retirement??? Think of it this way: if the market and your investments do not rebound in 25 years and produce reasonable returns, then you won't need to worry about retirement accounts because it will mean that civilization as we know it will have ended. Your only worry will be making sure that your cave and tribe are secure from invading hordes.

Now if you were 60 and planned to retire after the first of the year, I would probably advise you to panic big time.

Dear LW:

You know the answer. The answer is yes in the most obvious sense. And if the obvious answer is not "yes, preserving my family ties and showing dedication to them is more important then maintaining some marginal acquaintanceship," then your letter contained misrepresentations about your feelings about this person. They must be much stronger than you represented.

Blood is thicker than water, or at least it should be. And when you need your family in a world that forgets acquaintances and even friendships quickly, you'll understand that.