First off, I really feel for you. Based on personal experience, this is the type of thing that is almost as traumatic as a death in the family (maybe even worse). Everything you thought was secure and safe in an otherwise chaotic world becomes fragile as well. You have no idea if your family is going to exist one day and be gone the next. But this is often how it goes down (you just get blindsided).

But that said, you can recover from this. It's going to take a few months to start dealing with this new reality that your partner is not stable (or at least not a stable member of your family and marriage anymore), but you will start dealing with it and it will become less painful. Then you will be able to start dealing with it rationally.

Advice: don't act too harshly or in haste. See how things play out and detach enough yourself to evaluate what's going on objectively. Go to counseling and just try to listen as much as you can because if you talk too much about your feelings or your hurt (which are real) you won't get honest answers from him as to what is really going on. Put your pain aside and let the therapist draw him out. He is being secretive about the underlying basis for his feelings or other things (possibly adultery, depression, or some weird aspect of his life that you haven't even thought about). These apocalyptic pronouncements by him like "I don't think I ever loved you and there's no hope" are not the brutally honesty statements that they appear, but rather more of a means of shielding what is really inside. Don't get angry (yet) or you'll lose objectivity. Listen, watch, and learn.

There is a chance you can save this. There is a chance you can't. But you need to focus on figuring it out right now and observing and enlisting the aid of a therapist might facilitate that. You may be the dominant personality in the house and he may be the closed-off, passive one. If this is the case, then you are not going to be able to dominate your way through this. Often, the passive person in the relationship starts "rebelling" at some point. That may be the case here because they put aside their feelings for so long that they then explode in a manner similar to what you described. You need to do a lot of listening and watching right now. I am not saying you are to blame or that this is appropriate on his part, but he is a somewhat secretive puzzle right now that you need to crack to figure out what hope there is for the marriage and the family.

Oh, and definitely talk to a lawyer on your own (as a contingency plan).

I am an anti-war, bleeding heart liberal and not some military recruiter or anyone who supports the war(s) we're currently in. But that said, reading some of the previous letters, I would join the military if I were you. Don't do anything stupid and sign up for any position that might put you in combat. But if there is some way to make a year or two commitment that guarantees you won't end up driving Humvees through the streets of Baghdad, I think that would be an excellent environment for you to gain some independence while simultaneously having some time to think about what you want in the world and what you're capable of.

Now given my lack of knowledge about the military, that may be impossible. I am not sure if you can sign up for a gig in Germany or Japan or Southern California in a support role. If not, then just move on to the next letter. But if you can, I think it is actually a good suggestion.

And believe me, your parents will never cut you off. They are overbearing and detrimental to your development as a person, but they clearly love you. Any person who has a mom that basically breaks down and cries as your mom does really loves you and cares about you (even if she expresses it in a misguided manner). Same goes for your father. They will go through an adjustment period, but they will adapt and they will never turn their backs on you.