Huge, unsorted in boxes probably work for some people. But in my experience, a lot of people with a huge in box also tend to be lax when it comes to following up on email, especially if the email is about something that's happening in the future. A message about a meeting in three weeks, or a policy change that's happening next month, gets lost and forgotten, as more current email comes in and pushes it off the main screen. And that affects me, because I have to send follow up messages or reminders.

I think searching email is overrated. If you send quick, contextual emails, it's hard to find them in a search. If I send you an email that says "I sent the papers you wanted to J", how will you find that in a search? Maybe that's why people have started sending emails that contain endless pages of quotes of other messages - I got one email recently that quoted 16 previous emails. That makes email much harder to read quickly, although I guess it makes it easier to search.

Personally, I like using folders to organize my mail. By saving items I need for reference in separate folders, I can look at my in box and immediately see what needs further action.

The letter writer said: "It's truly horrifying for me to understand, viscerally, that someday I and everyone and everything I love will be gone forever.

Faith might be one answer to this dilemma. But there are others. How about focusing on things that will last after he is gone? He might find it comforting to contribute to something that will be there, and be remembered, in the future. Plant a tree, build a school, raise a child, write a book - whatever is most meaningful to him. Something that will last when he and his loved ones are gone.

He spoke about atheism and faith, but he described his problem as "losing his sense of purpose". Faith is one way to gain purpose, but there are others as well.

Suppose new roommate had brought her boyfriend with her. Otherwise it's the same situation - she says she needs the boyfriend for moral support or whatever, he's hanging around when roommate isn't there, etc. How would you handle it? I've never had a roommate with a live-in Mom, but I've had ones with boyfriends who never left and who drove me nuts, and that was just as annoying. (Personally, I'd rather deal with the mom. But I have vivid memories of walking into the living room and finding the slacker boyfriend laying on the sofa, naked and scratching his balls. Ewww.)

It seems like there are two issues here - you have two new roommates when you only expected one, and you think it's "weird and freaky" for a girl to bring her mom with her. I think you'll have better success if you deal with it in the same way you'd deal with a roommate with a live-in boyfriend, or live-in girlfriend, or a sister who has moved in. Her relationship with her mother really isn't your problem. If you don't want a perpetual guest, than frame it that way. Come up with rules about guests and how long they can stay.

I'm a chemist - a recently laid off and unemployed chemist - and the job market for chemists is brutal right now. Unless you are extremely lucky, this is a problem you're going to be facing throughout your career. You'll be laid off. She'll be laid off. At some point, you may both face the problem of having to relocate to find jobs. It's the reality of the job market for chemists.

I don't want to say "ignore love". Maybe love is worth sacrifice. But if you want to have a long-term career in chemistry, you will need a strong foundation. The right postdoc, where you can get strong references and make good contacts, is essential. That may mean Toronto, or it may not. There are certainly options in the Bay Area (it's not as if she's moving to the middle of nowhere.) But the decisions you make about your career now are going to affect you for years to come. If you stay in your field, people will still be asking you where you did your postdoc when you're 50.

You need to discuss this with your girlfriend. Even if you decide to go to SF with her, it's an issue that will probably come up again later (maybe when she graduates and starts looking for a postdoc). Lots of two-scientist couples have the same issues, and there's no one answer - but you have to talk it over and decide what you want to do and what sacrifices both of you are willing to make.