If you'd read any of Havrilesky's previous writing, you know she doesn't care about anyone or anything besides herself. And although I haven't raised it previously, because I would never accuse a woman I have never met (and who will never meet or respond to me) of being a bad parent, I begin to wonder how that poor child will survive if her mother calls her what she calls the people who read her column.

She got what she wanted. About 230 responses. That's all she needs. And now she has a technique for gaining "popularity" as a Salon columnist; just approve of something basically wrong and let her base write in letters of support.

But I suddenly flashed on the image of John Belushi. He, too, was egomaniacal and hungry for attention. He did stupid things to get that attention, like doing whatever drugs people threw at him. The cynics and dopers who supplied him, who pretended to be his buddies, just wanted to watch the monkey perform, and react to the crap he snorted or ingested. They weren't his friends. They didn't like him as a human being, just as a human freak show they could play with.

That may be the reason there are so many people writing posts, unconditionally supporting anything Havrilesky says. They want to watch the monkey perform, even if her limited writing talent dies of an overdose of undeserved praise.

If you doubt this, ask; how many of these people writing support really believe in humiliating and torturing children - their own or others?

...but it was great for a change to read a TV column in Salon besides that latte-drinking, child-insulting Heather Havrilesky.

And by the way, the real phrase was created in Orlando by radio personality Bubba "Whoopass" Wilson, and it's certainly not Ms. Williams I wish to apply it to. As Bubba would, I'll provide an appropriate locale: "Otherwise I'll have to take you out behind the dumpster in the back of Salon and whoop your damned ass!

For a moment, this article seemed to be heading in the direction of the Dark Side - i.e. Heather Havrilesky - saying "Why shouldn't we verbally abuse our children? It's fun and it's good for them!" Fortunately, Zacharek veered away from those rocky reefs.

It is clear that Alec Baldwin has issues. I suspect that some of those issues revolve around him being a celebrity, having to move at full velocity in the Hollywood orbit, having to carry around all that responsibility. (If 30 Rock fails - as it very nearly did - it won't be seen as NBC's mistake or the mistake of its producer or writers, it'll be Alec Baldwin who failed.)

What's bad about being a Baldwin, people? Plenty.

Sterling Hayden faced those pressures and more in his career. He dumped his Hollywood career, took a sailing ship and his children (non-custodial, mind you) and took his sailing ship out to sea. He wrote his autobiography, got his head together, and came back as an actor - not on the Hollywood treadmill to oblivion, but doing the roles he wanted, his way.

If people really liked Alec Baldwin, and wanted the best for him - not for his career or for their horny hallucinations of him - they'd give him his time to repair his soul. If he comes back to acting, he'll be a better actor for it. If he doesn't, he will contribute to the world some other way. Either way, he'll be at peace with himself. That might not please that army of fans, but it's not their life, it's his.

You're going into a hostile environment full of strange, alien beings you have never seen before. Okay, you've never wanted to see them before, but have been forced to, big diff. You don't want to know them or understand them. You need to communicate with them, so you reach for your Universal Translator. That way you can do what you need to do to these weird beings, and leave them (hopefully) without having those useless ideas, and their useless foreign language, bouncing around in your head.

In previous wars, remember, a lot of those aliens came back to America. And our boys were exposed to non-Christian, non-American ideas. Clearly, by limiting any emotional contact with these aliens, we would be saved that cultural pollution.

At least, that seems to be the operational procedure at work here. It fits the Bush/Republican/Christian mindset. That it doesn't work...well, is that a surprise to anyone?

I know that in comic books, all women have huge breasts, and there are no phallic bulges on any of the men. Very simply, women represent sex, and men don't. When there was an un-hidden penis (in British writer Alan Moore's Watchmen) the outcry was so great that later issues of the comic made sure that male genitals were never exposed.

And you women think that you're troubled by fretting about your breast size. Your insecurities are nothing compared to the insecurities of men.