because the answer is clearly 'open your mouth solve your problem.' All you need to say is "Mary, I really enjoy hanging out with you. The next time we go out I'd like to have dinner just the two of us."

From your letter it seems like all you have done is to angrily cancel your plans and then expect Mary to guess that she has distressed you by inviting other people. She can't read your mind. If you have a problem with her behavior the way to solve it is to tell her (1) that it bothers you and (2) what you would like her to do instead. If she continues to do it anyway, then you might consider some of the other options the folks here have brought up.

There was a great article in the most recent Atlantic, which I recommend to you. The writer teaches at a community college, and essentially argues that, because one of our American cultural values is that all people can (and should) work and achieve upward social mobility, we believe everyone ought to go to college. And yet college is not for everyone.

High school is set up so that if you simply show up and exert a minimal amount of effort you will graduate. Everyone is supposed to graduate from high school. But college is set up so that some people will fail or will not choose to finish. A college diploma is meaningful BECAUSE many people do not finish college.

One way that college eliminates people is by requiring you to take a variety of courses which are boring to you and unnecessary for your chosen career path. A college diploma shows an employer that you have the discipline to jump through hoops, delay gratification, and endure a significant amount of boredom in order to achieve a desired goal. Another way that college eliminates people is by making it expensive to attend. It's possible for anyone to go to college by seeking financial aid; however, there is still significant cost to you. The diploma shows an employer that you are willing to undertake costs/hardship in order to get something you want.

Basically, finishing college is an index of your motivation. The bottom line is that you were not motivated enough to finish college. While you would like to have the degree, you don't want it badly enough to be willing to put forth the required effort. This is true of many people, and is nothing to be ashamed of. It sounds like you need to go ahead and accept that about yourself before you can go about solving the lie problem.

It sounds like the major source of stress is money, which isn't surprising, really. Most couples divorce over disagreements about money or sex.

To solve this problem you need to make a concrete plan about what you are going to do to fix your financial situation. You need to see an accountant who is a financial planner. Tell him what your income is and what your goals are: pay off your student loan and wedding debt, improve your credit score so that you will be able to get a reasonable mortgage when you buy a home, buy a home, accumulate some savings for safety, and begin saving for retirement. Come up with a monthly budget and stick to it. This will probably mean some minor sacrifices on your part such as eating at home more often rather than eating out, bringing your lunch to work, making your own coffee rather than going to Starbucks, and passing on buying new clothes or taking vacations for a while.

Given the disparities in your background it makes sense for you each to manage your finances separately. Pay for your own cars, and split the groceries, rent (or mortgage), utilities, etc. right down the middle. Don't expect your husband to pay your debt for you - you are the one who chose colleges you could not afford. Now you have to pay for them. Of course, if your husband encourages you to spending that's beyond your budget for the month, it's acceptable to say that you have exceeded your budget and if the two of you go out he will have to pay.

Once you have a plan and are following it, you can say to your husband "My debt will be paid off on this date, and we'll be able to buy a house around this time." I suspect that knowing that you have a plan to pay off your debt yourself in a reasonable amount of time will vastly improve your husband's attitude.