I understand sort of where you are coming from. My mother is not sick, but her personality can be toxic, she is needy and manipulative. I moved far away from home after college and have not gone back. If she needs my care in her older age, I will do the best I can. What I won't be doing is having her live in my house. Even in a guest house if I were lucky enough to have one.

Will the grandchild, you son, bring out a joyous spirit, a will to live, a wonderful turn around for your mother? That would be great, very lifetime-movie, but honestly, no it is probably not. She already has your sister's children in her life and that doesn't seem to have changed much. She already has this "reason to live" cary thinks she is lacking. Truth is, harsh as it is, some people are just miserable and aren't going to change. This doesn't mean they don't deserve care in sickness, but it also means you don't just change your relationship with her based on all the empirical knowledge you have gained from a lifetime of being her son.

Think of your situation and your family. Your wife and your son, they come first. When you get married you make a commitment to your wife. She is now first in your life which doesn't mean you abandon your parents but you put her and your child's best interest first. In your scenario where you seem to be blessed with 2 good incomes, I would say move back to Denver, get a nice home, and lend financial support to your mother (and sister if necessary) to have some wonderful in-home nursing. Go visit on weekends a couple of times a month, call every week, expose your son to your whole family. Cousins can be a wonderful part of growing up. But this whole concept that you open your house to become a fulltime nursing home is just totally off in my opinion. Its not all or nothing, you have to be brave enough to give what you can, not everything you have, mind body and soul, to the detriment of your current happiness and marriage.

I had the experience being grilled down by the pet rescue people over wanting to take a apartment-sized dog home to my apartment. They thought I should have a backyard. It was obvious they weren't all that interested in me and I very quickly became turned off because I knew I would get attached to the dog. It was a power trip for these people as far as I was concerned....... all I wanted was a dog of my own. I was a dog lover with a job and a condo with the mortgage in my name. Plenty of signs of responsibility. None of this was good enough for them.

I have since got my 2 girls from a breeder, thanks to them and their snobbery. What is funny to me is that because my dogs are pure bred I often get comments from mutt owners that I must be a dog snob of some sort. Quite the contrary, aye.

People will bash Ellen for freaking out over such a 'little' issue but when you try to do the right thing and are then just kicked in the teeth as a thank you, it stinks. Especially where your heart is involved.

In the end this isn't about her fears about halloween its about her fears that a 17-18 is dressing up slutty and her 16 year old might fancy this and want the same....and that all this just leads to too much sexuality too early?

Yep! And well too late the whole tween/teenage culture is about being slutty. Every day Slut-o-ween. If you don't have 1/2 naked pictures and a sextape in the making on facebook then you aren't gonna be prom queen this year.

Hell the cotton shorts they sell as weekend/casual clothes are really just boy-cut panties. I was standing behind a stick-thin getting into puberity girl at target, wearing those, ass hanging out (how can it not?) and thinking holy crap, no way in god's hell my mom would have let me wear those to target 15 years ago. But new 'cool be your best friend' mom's, they do. Push up bras, thongs, low pants and cleavage shirts, made specifically for teens. Its all there for the taking 14 yrs+.

The simple answer seems to be as the 16 year old's mother you put down some rules and regulate what she herself can wear, you can't influence the other daughter.

Now, 'good girls' or not, even if they are told they have to wear something with more coverage, will they be able to alter it and/or just have a totally different costume to switch into, in the trunk? Probably! I know my sister did that quite a bit and she was straight A good girl too. None of that is new.

The thing is you can't control that. All you can control is to set a good standard and have some rules. Stuff like that matters. The rest will happen as it will. Be a mom, you can be her best friend when she turns 25 and gets a clue.