Letters to the Editor
domini
Published Letters: 1157 Editor's Choice: 79
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Deadbeat is deadbeat, it's not about sex
[Read the article: Hooray, Celexa took my sex drive away!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]All people should wait, and I know women with deadbeat ex's.
The stat on the Parental Alienation Syndrome is not considered credible, because most states don't legally recognize it (the one that claims women turn children against men). You can't measure without a uniform standard, and PAS is so linked to male abusers (most of the PAS claimants hev at least one verified abuse case against the woman- the kids don't want to go near the guy because of that, and abuse of the mother is not relevant in most child custody cases if the child is not hit) that I would not even touch that with a 10 foot pole. And I had a crazy in-law who did try to alienate the child- I simply understand that PAS is not a relevant marker statistic for that behavior. A significant number of men and women bad mouth the exes, and we know that from far more credible studies (the ones that back mediation). So few women pay child support that the stats get distorted- in such a small population, it only take a few to distort. For instance, in a small population city, it only takes 1 or 2 deabeat males with large awards to up the percentage past 30 or 40%, while if you look at a bigger population those two guys are offset by larger numbers of "good" dads. On the other hand, most men don't abuse either (iffy study with a small population, and used problematic language as one marker), and that study claiming almost every female college student is sexually harrassed is bunk (their definition is too wide, and contains things not commonly considered sexual harrassment).
Most stats have to be carefully set in their environment to have meaning. Stats lie all of the time, and the same study can be used in different ways. The 50% of marriages end in divorce number is a good example. At any given time, there are X numbers of marriages (say 100), with some couples never divorcing-usually 60+, some couples divorcing fast (less than 5% within 2 years) and some couples having multiple divorces (the 15%+/- of the first cohort make up more than 62% of divorces for that cohort in the given year, due to repeats, while the rest simply stay married or have 1 divorce.). Most divorces in a given year are from remarriages, not first time marriages. So most divorces are repeat offenders, and most first marriages do NOT end in divorce. The 50% number is based on the total number at given time versus the divorces, even though the marriages are not all in the same cohorts.) You have the same problem with crime stats treating recidivists crimes as if each was from a new criminal.
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Thank you Mr. Tennis
[Read the article: I can't get closure with my alcoholic ex]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]That was beautiful.
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McWhorter reveals her own limitations
[Read the article: Coretta and Hillary, not yet free]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"So, what you're saying pretty much is that being that these two women didn't have picture perfect marriages with saintly husbands, their legacy is inherently scarred?
Are you kidding?"
Thank you. Coretta Scott King's HOUSE was bombed, her children and her life threatened on countless ocassion, her finances sacrifices. King donated ALL $250,000 of his Nobel Prize money to SCLC.
Some fools believe the personal is ALWAYS political. They are wrong. The frailty of marriage is well known to us in it. The problems of the 60s double standard (which McWhorter conveniently and ahistorically glosses over) mean that Coretta Scott King made a decision that was not unusual, and is still considered praiseworthy, to many people. Divorce was unthinkable and stigmatized in 1968. To have divorced him at this time would have hurt the movement, and moreso, hurt her and the children. We have to remember that it was a different time, and that just because McWhorter would have divorced this husband, not every woman would have. What is feminism if not the ability to make choices?
McWhorter's worst sin is to act as if Coretta Scott King was responsible for King's frailty, a frailty dubbed normal and even to some men, admirable or proof of manhood. McWhorter has no understanding of the dynamics of marriage in the black community in the South. Perhaps she should read, or maybe talk to some of her relatives, before she makes these sweeping and ignorant charges.
I am disappointed in Salon. Instead of a woman with NO history credentials, perhaps you could have called on Taylor Branch, or MLK III, or Julian Bond, or many of the people who KNEW Coretta Scott King, to write this. Coretta Scott King fought tirelessly for racial equality and harmony, gay rights, peace, and a better world. I would have appreciated an article discussing her accomplishments, rather than this navel gazing tripe. Oh, yeah, I'm black. And older than McWhorter. Let me give her a clue: your article was about you, not King. It reflected your fears more than Coretta Scott King's legacy. That you, Ms. McWhorter, neither know nor understand her legacy is a painful indictment of your education.