She had an affair, or a midlife crisis, and is experiencing the fall out. Yet, there is very little in the letter about the impact on her family. Most of it is ramblings about how she can't get her perfect life back again.

I agree that she needs to make amends to her children and ex-husband. I have a nagging suspicion her lover left her, and THAT's why she's so remorseful. That would explain the histronics. She doesn't mention the lover- unless the affair was with a car, wasn't there another human being here?

The best thing she can do for the ex-husband is leave him alone. Her children need to know she is trustworthy. Since the woman is drama queen (and has been, it seems, for a while), the kids may be tired of her drama. She needs to cut it. Period. People having affairs tend to focus inwardly and pull away from family, neglecting the little connections and chores that bind. She needs to do those chores.

Don't let her near a prison. They don't need more drama queens. She is in no shape to deal with the complexity of the problems of inmates.

Is she bipolar? Possibly. I'm not a doctor, but the grandiosity, the impulsive behavior that hurts others while in the throes of "feelings", the histronic remorse, etc. all point to that. Then again, she could just be a jerk. People have had affairs without being mentally ill since the beginnings of time. They do so out of convenience, opportunity, or sheer selfishness.

Affairs have a price. They cause immense harm to kids. To deny that is to lie to oneself. It might be easier if affairs were formally and explicitly punished in the divorce proceedings, but they are not. I don't think this woman can be a cautionary tale, as Cary posits. People who have affairs always think they are special, that it is different, that they are not "like that". When people are in that stupid phase, I'm not sure any unsolicited advice will stop them, outside of a brick to the head. Women and men who have affairs are selfish, bottom line. I'll save my sympathy for the real victims- the spouse and the kids.

"The fact is that smart men don't marry, without a prenuptial agreement."

When I read this I thought " and smart women...?" Then I thought, "What about the kids? Don't they deserve support?"

I'm happily married. So are most of my firends. Some of the posts here remind both my husband and I of exactly why we can NOT get divorced. Wading through the gender anger here perhaps makes the dating scene look worse than it is. Most men and women are good people. The people who all go "gold digger" and "jerk" need to look to themselves, to see why they choose these people.

As for the LW, if he is correct, he needs therapy. He's been depressed, and he's SURE his perceptions are correct? If they are, he and his wife need to learn how to communicate openly and honestly. If they aren't (which is possible) he needs to find out why he is interpreting the situation so negatively. We all make bargains, consciously and unconsciously. There's a subscript here that he needs to explore. As with a number of things, both may be right AND wrong. When it comes to sex, perceptions can collide, and people can act really weird.