Children's speech can be restricted because they are not adults, and do not have the development to understand what they do, or even keep themselves out of danger. Look at the stupid kids putting their personal information out there, or going trustingly off with strangers who kill them. Teens have neither the brain development (the MRI studies show this) or the good judgement to make certain decisions for themselves. Why should they be allowed to wreck havoc they don't understand?

An underage teen does not have the right to vote, to get married without permission, open credit accounts, etc. An underage teen should be treated differently by the criminal justice system (that some are not is awful, and the practice of executing people for crimes committed in teenage years is still controversial- as is trying kids as adults for certain crimes).

To equate my judgement and rights as an adult woman with that of a 14 or 16 year old is idiotic. To give children the rights of adults is to hurt children. They need boundaries set by adults.

This is as bad as the people who try to talk reason to 5 year olds. Kids without boundaries, who think themselves entitled to adult rights, become adults with problems, with unrealistic views.

Adult speech and children's speech are two separate things. The law gives schools and parents the right to set boundaries. Too many parents won't set the boundaries from fear of not being their child's friend. Too many want the schools to do the same for immature, spoiled brats like Arenas.

No right is absolute. Absolutist arguments about the First Amendment play into the hands of those who would limit it illegally. Understand that the First Amendment has always had common sense limits on it in terms of children. Don't throw it away by advocating for children to be able hurt themselves and others. Discipline the kids.

He lost the right to stay with Grandma when he did not call back, and when he tried to negotiate the summer. Kids have no right to negotiate. They all try, but parents have to tell them "No".

Take back you kid. Get therapy and help, but definitely get on the plane.

The problem is she's given in to them both in the past- not that she's been a bad parent. The boy is spoiled and thinks acting out will get him what he wants. Grandma taught him that. She should never have rewarded the behavior in the first place. It's time for consequences now. He feels far too entitled here. Kick that out of him now, while you still have the chance.

"Plain and simple, you can't take your teenager's whole summer vacation, and have him come live with you in a city (far, far away) where he can't see his friends. You can do it when your kid is 11, but not 14, 15 or anytime after that.

The son has offered a good compromise. The brilliant news is that he didn't say no, which is a huge triumph for LW."

Bullshit. Go get him and beat his ass. He does not understand who the parent is, and the grandmother has admittedly manipulate this. The LW is the parent. LW gets to pick his friends.

I am tired of people pushing "understand the kids" or "you should let them do what they want." Understanding is what their friends are for. Parents set limits.

When he acts out, take stuff away, put bars on the windows, truly wreck his little life. What has this kid ever not gotten that he's wanted? Grandma would get it for him if Mom didn't.

People move to other cities with their kids all of the time and the kids adjust. This LW has not set limits (she should have when Grandma taught him to lie, and cut off all contact with Grandma when he acted out. Lessons, etc are priviledges to be removed, along with phone, etc.) It's time to come down like a ton of bricks. You can not be your child's friend or negotiate with him. That's not how life goes.

Someone will say she doesn't have the relationship. She's given up everything for him; she could have aborted him, or adopted him out. He needs a relative or her to slap sense into him.

If the grades go down, he's hurting himself. Explain that to him. Give the video games, clothes, etc to charity as he acts out. Trust me; that hurts. I saw a kid in the same situation try this to get to live with lenient Grandma. Mom took all of his stuff, and told him it would go to Goodwill, one piece at a time, until he straightened up, and he would have no contact with Grams or she'd have Grams put under restraining order for interference with custody. He lost his Xbox. That's all it took. She had taken the stuff to a storage place with a lock, and she showed him the Goodwill receipt. He caved. Grandma gets supervised visits now. Her friends helped her and backed her up, as well as helping keep an eye out for sneaking out.

Gather your community of friends areound you and hold the line.

Early marriages fail at incredibly high rates. That's where the "starter marriage" thing comes from. The ones that succeed have more mature people in them.

The fact that the LW's 21 is much better than 20. Marriages for 20 and under fail at incredible rates. But 21-24 is not a much better cohort. The stats are out there on the web.

The anecdotes are very sweet, but the reality is that most 21 year olds are not ready for marriage. This one does not sound like she is, either. The family dysfunction makes it sound like she's marrying to get away from it.