Short term, use you state benefits to take a three month certification course at a real, brick and mortar university. Use the PLUS loan to pay rent. Some certification classes are starting now (online MBAs, etc). Use the university career services center to help locate a job. They can do it more easily than you can alone. My husband did this in that recession in 2000, and he has a job waiting when he came out of the certification course 2 months later.

One you have a job, it's hubby's turn. He needs to re-certify in something marketable. Every stay at home mom I know is searching for work- the vulnerability is now being rammed home. I carry resumes in my purse for people. I know far too many people who have been laid off.

If he will not do this, leave him. Your daughter deserves better. You are resentful and it shows.

The luxury of being a stay at home is coming to a close in this economy. Once you have a child, both people need to step up. He's unwilling or unable to step up. You need to take care of the child.

Thanks. I agree with the poster who says that broadening the definition of autism was a problem. High functioning people who can live independantly need to have a different category.

These articles conflate the high and low functioning, when the groups are not in the same territory.

I was a caregiver for my autistic younger brother before he died. He was not high-functioning-PDD-NOS. He talked at the level of a year old child. He could not take care of himself. There were no work arounds to help him live independantly.

Full on autism, the kind that is not high functioning, can destroy caregivers. I can NOT emphasize that enough. It is overwhelming. It is 24/7. Many of the behaviors are disruptive to the life of the whole family. The assumption of the "advocates" here is that the siblings should just adjust to this "neurodiversity". Excuse me? Screaming, smearing feces on walls? Not being able to talk? Flooding bathrooms? rearranging the things in siblings' bedrooms? Staying awake all night? Been there, done that. Oh hell no. We taught him not to do most of that. With heavy intervention, he could say basic words and use two word sentences. Between that and writing sentences on pads, we could communicate. Otherwise, it was like taking care of a 6' toddler. Something has to give there.

Siblings really catch it. Most of the attention is on the autistic child, and they get ignored. They are expected to help, to put the autistic child first, to understand that the family revolves around that child. They have adult responsibilities often far too early. There's financial strains, and there's having to be very careful about which friends you have over. Parents have limited time for taking the "normal one" places, so many extra-curriculars can be out, depending on the severity of the autism and the need for help.

My future decisions, my life, was predicated on helping to take care of my brother. He needed constant supervision. I still have nightmares that a fire will break out and I can't get him to follow my directions and get out, or that he stands there in the flames and ticks, more than ten years after his death.

In an emergency, work arounds are useless. What these high functioning advocates don't get is that the lower functioning autistics CAN NOT take care of themselves. For these advocates, the only ones who are important are the high functioning. Personally, I would have no problem if the high functioning group were designated normal and given no interventions. If they don't want them, don't get them. But if they need interventions to live independantly, they need to stop complaining that the Autism advocacy groups place the needs of the lower-functioning autistics above the wishes of the higher. The lower functioning group often gets shafted while people who really should not be designated autistic get funds. The caregivers for both groups get very little consideration.

Some behaviors can not be worked around. They need to be modified, eliminated, or that person can not be cared for at home. That's the bottom line. The best placement is not in a group home. But if the family gets overwhelmed, that's what's going to happen.

Ultimately, the family deserves a break, too. This is not just about the autistic child. It is about the havoc wrecked by autism on the "neurotypical" siblings as well. A little consideration of their situation would go a long way.

High functioning advocates can speak for themselves. They can not speak for the caregivers, because they can not judge the havoc that is wrecked in their own families. Their perspectives are skewed by autism itself. That is the biggest problem I have with the whole debate.