Letters to the Editor
mattielisbon
Published Letters: 86 Editor's Choice: 17
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Dear Parson
[Read the article: Lately I've been kissing women I'm not married to]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I am sorry for your bad experience. My husband cheated on me, blatantly, and painfully. I divorced him. We split our debts; I paid for the mortgage; he gave me nothing for years, no alimony, and no child support.
I didn't "bleed" him nor indeed even ask for anything. He could see our son any time he wanted. I was working, and he was not.
I am not ignorant of the law (in fact worked in the legal field). I simply don't take as dim a view of human nature as you, that the LW is in shackles and being threatened with the wrath of hell, that marriage is about one-upmanship and divorce is about mutual torture and degradation. Some of us are relatively well-adjusted grown ups.
I assume 99.9% of women aren't interested in killing their husbands or children for any reason, let alone using postpartum depression or PMS as an excuse. I also assume that 99.9% of men aren't interested in stalking and murdering the women who leave them, although that happens too. The leading cause of death for pregnant women is murder by their significant other, Parson. That's a much scarier statistic than a couple of women who got away with murder.
The LW is simply a guy who made a mistake, and caught himself in time to rectify things and save his marriage, if he wants to. If he doesn't want to, and he continues on a path that leads to further sexual dalliance, then yes, he will have to face whatever consequences there are.
Perhaps it's unfair but if he divorced, it's likely his wife would get the kids and the house the kids live in. Perhaps his wife would behave like a shrew and get away with it, or call the cops on him just to be a shit. Who knows. But this letter wasn't about the ins and outs and unfairness of the legal system.
This letter was about what the LW's behavior might mean, and the impact it could have on his marriage, and perhaps how he should view it or curb it or end it or the marriage.
The fact that divorce sucks and people act like asses and the legal system is biased towards women has nothing to do with his choices.
There is no need to bring in your warped concept that the empowerment of women (feminism) is the root of all evil, that acting in a way that is respectful of his wife and his marriage means the LW is enslaved.
Feminism is not the root of your problem, Parson. It's your hatred of women and your desire to blame all of us for the actions of some.
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Dear Pastor
[Read the article: Lately I've been kissing women I'm not married to]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]All I'm saying is that a man can choose to be faithful, and refrain from kissing other women out of respect for his wife and his marriage without, or regardless of, the hellfire you describe.
He doesn't have to feel he has to "be good or else", or feel enslaved by fear of the female dominated legal system you imagine.
He could simply love his wife as his life partner and fellow, equal, human being, and therefore wish to do right by her.
Adhering to the rules of marriage set up and agreed to between him and his wife can and should be a willing and joyful choice.
Although some letter writers here warn that he may end up divorced if he's not careful about his behavior, only you wish to tie his choice to something other than his desire to have a happy and successful marriage.
In your world, he's forced to stay and "obey" in order to escape some sort of unfair, Kafkaesque punishment. For the rest of us, he has the choice to behave as he sees fit, to stay or leave, while understanding that everything we do has consequences. Eyes open.
Let's not engage in hyperbole here. A divorce could be one of the consequences depending on his choice. But even that doesn't have to approach the sort of soul-rending Revenge of the 50-Foot Woman destruction you describe.