I have many Kurdish friends from Turkey and the ones that are gay or bisexual risk the same oppression. They generally try to leave the country, commit suicide, or marry a young Kurdish woman and then live their secret lives. A dear friend who is bisexual told me that he had no doubt that his friends and family would kill him if they found out about his sexuality.

The Kurdish culture is a paradox. I spent 8 days with my friend and his family in southeastern Turkey, 3 km from the Iraqi border. Their kindness to me and to each other was genuine and heartfelt. Their tribal society gives them a more localized governmental structure but also this concept of "shaming the family," even if the family consists of 20,000 people. The role of women there is like nothing I have seen, or even my grandmother has seen! The women were unable to walk beyond their homes unescorted and did all of the cooking and cleaning. The women served the men meals first and then ate what was left with the children in the back of the house. There were many times in my visit when I was the only woman in sight. As a Western woman, I was able to spend time in the front salon with the men or visit with the women in the back of the house as I wished. I attended a wedding at my friend's uncle's home -- this uncle had 3 wives and 32 children all living in the same house! For a culture that has seen so much warfare, they feel that it makes sense for a man to take multiple wives. The women I met wanted more education and economic freedom but appreciated their tribal structure because "it reminds people of who they are." I still have trouble reconciling the stark oppression of women there and the extreme warmth and kindness of these people, male and female. We differ greatly in culture but we are all still people.

Strangely, the women there could not believe that I could feel safe in the US. They merely have to contend with honor killings and bombs. We live in a culture where a person goes into a mall or a school and shoots people, where alcohol and drug-related violence is prevalent, and where children are abducted. They could not imagine it.

It will be a long road for Kurdish women to overcome the oppression they face. Standard education for girls will have to become a priority. Perhaps it will be different in Iraq where Kurdistan has enjoyed more autonomy, but somehow I doubt it. The Kurdish culture is extremely strong -- it is how they have managed to survive all this time.

My husband and I married in December in a small private ceremony in our home. In all we spent about $1500 and it was a lovely private ceremony and fun party. I relished the intimacy of our ritual and we were able to relax and enjoy every minute. However, for months afterward, we had to deal with the fallout of not inviting everyone we knew. People were truly offended to not have been invited, even when we explained that our own parents had not been present. I can't imagine beginning my marriage with that sort of debt and stress. I'd like to know how wedding costs correlate with divorce rates!

Glenn,

You outdid yourself again, really an amazing and important piece.

I have some question for you about the other high profile member of that tour, Anthony Cordesman. Have you tried to interview him about his views of the tour and if it influenced his opinion on the current situation and future prospects in Iraq?

Even though his assessment of the situation is somewhat different from O'Hanlon's and Pollack's and his view of the future is tempered and uncertain, still he suggests there is a window of opportunity now and that the team in Iraq is a good one and on the right track. Despite the deceitful war propaganda, fixing of intelligence, extreme secrecy, minimizing of negative information, and the constant assurances of progress/critical six-month periods/turning points, et cetera, Cordesman's very guarded optimism makes me feel a faint glimmer of hope that Iraq will not turn out to be even more tragically disastrous than it is already. In light of your posts about General Petraeus, why would Cordesman trust the team in Iraq? Maybe they are competent people, but can they be trusted to tell the hard truth about the situation? Do you see any evidence that could justify Cordesman's belief in a "window of opportunity?"

Thanks for all your great work, I can't tell you how much it is appreciated.

Steve S.

Oregon

...she could be president!

How about "The Bully's Pulpit" for the title. Most bullies have thinly veiled insecurities for doing what they do, revel in mob courage (rather than individual courage), and we all dislike bullies, right? Oh well, this is my first try.

Looking forward to your next book, Glenn.

Cheers, Steve

Hey Glenn,

Another great post, as always. My guess is you've contacted Time's editors; any preliminary word? Do they think that their reporters/columnists should actually read (and be able to understand) the bills they comment on?

Keep up the amazing work. As other commenters have said, it is important work and much appreciated.

Cheers, Steve S.