Thank you, Heather, for a witty and funny column, and for watching this televised crap so I don't have to.

Thank you, Akingu88, for your opinion, rendered in the style common to barely literate whack-jobs everywhere, including unnecessary capitalization and excessive use of exclamation marks. The '88' in your screen name - your IQ, perhaps?

I have a feeling I should have known that, and I think you're right. Doesn't mean my guess isn't also, though ; ) Like JCourt I'm all for intelligent debate and the exchange of ideas, but the ick factor in 88's post is huge and it just makes me want to take a shower. I'll be disappointed if he makes any more appearances.

Heather's column led to some discussion with friends of mine - we got together a few weeks ago to re-roof a house - and until then we all thought we had "tough" jobs: lawyers, cops and (horrors!) an elementary school teacher). That three days of complete physical exhaustion really made us count our blessings and think about people who do that sort of thing every single day. Heather mentioned mindless repetition - and that's exactly what makes that kind of physical work all the more dangerous - but unfortunately, like most people's daily grind, it doesn't translate into great TV.

Its entirely possible that your boyfriend may one day wake up and decide he wants children. Its also possible that if you break up with him he'll one day have a relationship with another woman and have kids with her. If you suddenly found yourself pregnant he might decide fatherhood is for him after all.

Or he might not, and if having children is as important to you as I think it is, that's an awfully big chance to take.

Right off the top of my head I can think of a couple of dozen friends, men and women (self included), who were pretty sure almost from the get-go that they didn't want children. Of those people two ended up having a child kind of by accident with someone else. One of those couples is doing great and made great parents. The other couple - she wanted kids, he didn't - is divorced and she has remarried. Pretty long odds.

As Cary said people can change. But its best not to assume that they will. Its maybe time to start looking for someone at least as lovable as your boyfriend who shares your dream of family.

When I was 24 I'd been a cop for a little over a year. I'd been yelled at, cursed out, threatened (and that was just by my supervisor), spat at and on, punched twice, and urinated on (by members of the public). Well, the urinating was mostly unintentional. I didn't join a cult, move into a commune, throw it all away for some guy, or run home to mom and dad.

Does that sound harsh? Damn.

I can't really add anything to their advice, but I ask: would you trust your children in the care or influence of a drunk teacher, daycare operator, cab driver? The fact that this woman is a blood relation should make no difference. A drunk is not safe. Your children's safety is paramount. Your Mom's promises while sober are meaningless. Either she toes the line you draw in the sand or she's on her own.

Limit your children's contact with Grandma to very brief visits in your presence, e-mail and correspondence. If she sends a gift the recipient child should be taught how to send a thank you e-mail.

I think you have to tell her as well. She's going to find out eventually, and this revelation will only be the more painful for both of you the further down the marriage-and-kids road you go.

Porn is an escape for you, and its good that you realize that. We all have things we use to escape from real life sometimes - drugs, booze, food, porn, fantasy and roll-playing games, illicit relationships, romance novels - the list is endless. No surprise here - real life can be hard, painful, dull, miserable and completely beyond your control.

Porn is all about you: what you want, when, from whom, how often. The entire industry is set up to cater to YOU. You don't need to consider what the other party feels or wants, or whether she's tired, sad, not into it right now, or thinks you look like a dork in those y-fronts. You have total control. Whatever you do, say or look like your chosen fantasy woman won't care. She's all about making you happy because (a) she's pretty much whatever you build up in your imagination, and (b) she's paid to make you happy. Its her job. So it can sure be like a drug.

So now that you've realized you have an addiction you have to come clean to your girlfriend. Its only fair that she know, and she should find out from you. You're burying yourself in 'porn world' because you're unhappy in your real world for reasons only you can figure out. It appears from your letter that this started happening before your current girlfriend, and if that's the case it would be best if you made this clear to her. The porn thing may be an indication that you're having trouble dealing with life generally. Or it could be that you just can't or don't want to deal with real live people, or your girlfriend in particular. Either way therapy may well help you beat the addiction, and might help you incorporate some porn stuff into a healthy relationship with a real person.

Whether or not you want to go that route, and if you intend on sticking with this porn thing, be honest and let your girlfriend know. Even if you take the porn out of the equation you may decide that your girlfriend and you are over, or should be. But the honest thing - and the smart thing - would be to tell her.