Letters to the Editor
AlecsMom
Published Letters: 638 Editor's Choice: 18
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If you weren't worried the baby was dead
[Read the article: Welcome to the nuthouse]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]you wouldn't be normal. Hasn't every new mother always panicked at some point that the baby was not breathing? I distinctly remember getting up in the middle of the night (repeatedly) in the first couple of weeks with C-section pain and all to make sure our son Alec was alive. I also shared many of the same feelings as the author of not being quite up to the task. That's truly normal.
However, normal anxiety/stress from coping with a new life recedes over time, a relatively short period of time. As other posters have stated, women have been having babies for a very long time. It's nothing new. When someone feels the need to scream into a cell phone about the baby crying during the day it may be time to look for an underlying emotional issue on your part.
In case anyone is unaware, babies cry, they cry a lot. It's their primary form of communication. Within a short period of time (weeks), parents know when their babies cry and for how long. The overreaction of cursing and screaming suggests you are not developing coping mechanisms which as a logical adult you should be able to do. For me, it was trying a variety of strategies to settle the baby followed by turning on music, headphones sometimes. Walk out of the room. take a shower. Play with the dog.
There are a hundred different ways to give yourself a break from the daily stress of parenting an infant and adults should be able to sort them out. If not, please call your OB-Gyn or your pediatrician and let them know how you are feeling. They may want to refer you to a counseling professional.
I really hope that anyone who reads this article and is scared of parenting, don't be. It's not easy but it's not a stream of anger, uncontrolled rages at your partner or feelings of helplessness. That is definitely not normal.
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@momsmom
[Read the article: Welcome to the nuthouse]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think what many are reacting to is the hysteria with which the author recounts the alleged horrors of caring for an infant. Who has children and isn't tired or cranky or frazzled? Frankly, the author sounds like she needs psych counseling which is why I recommended it. There's no need for screaming or cursing because the baby cries. Why the over-the-top reaction to something so totally normal?
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@maradona
[Read the article: Welcome to the nuthouse]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You wrote:
"Am I missing the point of this article? This is not a 'Dear Cary' letter. She is not looking for advice. This is simply 'a day in the life' type chronicle of one woman's struggle with her newborn.
As I am about to embark on a marriage and hopefully parenthood, I found this letter interesting and assumed the intent was to be enlightening that not all is perfect in the early days of motherhood."
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The advice comes from those of us who have ALL been there before and are trying to communicate a point: Parenting is not a problem that one has to struggle against with all of their being. Unless one has a baby with special needs or is a person suffering from a disorder, parenting is not a problem. It is a challenge and a fairly routine one at that.
I am appalled at the way the author takes the everyday obstacles of caring for a helpless person and makes it into some frightfest. There are, as myself and others stated, so many other ways to cope that having a tantrum in the street is really beyond the pale.
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@gregor Samsa
[Read the article: Welcome to the nuthouse]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I have never read such a mean-spirited description of parenthood in my life. You obviously hate it and you have the nerve to blame the kids! There is no "conspiracy of silence", no "denial" about the rigors of parenting. That's because the majority of parents either have or develop the emotional depth to put their children first instead of lament the loss of their former lives. After reading your post I have no idea why you ultimately decided to procreate...do you?
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@LeCastor
[Read the article: Welcome to the nuthouse]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Thanks for the link to the Times Online article about women who don't love/want their children. Very interesting.
However, I don't know that I would call them the Silent Minority as the author chooses to do. The fact is that each and every one of the women in the article had a significant mental health issue, depression, sense of isolation, abandonment. However, they raged at their children for robbing them of something crucial. I'd strongly suggest that something was very wrong before the children entered the picture. The logic these women used to blame their children for problems in their own lives was staggeringly flawed.
It's important to note though that each of these wome suffered enormously from their distanced behavior as have their children. Furthermore, therapeutic treatment for this disordered behavior is predicated on an underlying fact: Parenting is not about you, it is about the child. Basically, even if it's tough, once you are a parent you've got to focus on what's best for the child instead of what's best for you.
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@odog11
[Read the article: The numbers crunch Hillary in Texas]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I guess you haven't been reading the Texas primary rules despite the fact that they have been widely posted here and other places. Like them or not, the party allocates delegates based on turnout in earlier elections. The fact is that Obama's supporters/districts have turned out in heavier numbers for democrats than other districts have. That has nothing to do with ethnicity, but with voter turnout by district. Read more and educate yourself.
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Hillary Back to fight on...
[Read the article: No Texas-size victory for Obama]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]in the ugliest manner possible. From what I've been reading, the relentlessly negative tone really helped Clinton. That's good to know, if you're Republican. OTOH, I now expect to see even more dirt from the Clintons and the Obama camp will swing back hard. Good for them, lousy for the party and it's chances in the general election. And the real kicker is that I have yet to read about how many delegates Hillary actually gained to eat into Obama's clear lead over her.