It's not clear from the letter whether the marriage proposal implies an obligation to settle down in Barcelona. I married someone from a totally different culture, religion, background etc. and had many of the same doubts the LW indicates. Things have worked out well (15 years later), but we both give a lot of credit to not living too close to either of our families. (And picking our battles.)

My vote is marry in Versailles and stay put in the Paris area. Then you can focus on your relationship without the added baggage of his family, his culture, his neighborhood and what they all expect of you, but still be close enough to visit during one of the many long weekends we get here in France.

Nothing to add on the weight-obsession issue.

Rather, the thing that struck me is Waldman's statement that "the only thing I can think of that consumes more of my day than fat-phobic freakouts is reading."

Four children (plus their homework!) and she spends the majority of her day reading and freaking out?

I'm not one to judge... but I do know what life is like with four children and I just find the way she is prioritizing her time.... sad.

Funny that he starts the letter with "In short...". Love that.

Some other aspects of the letter that don't jibe (just so LW can edit this first draft before submitting it to an editor):

-- even though it's technically correct, "the" (or "le") is not generally used when referring to Trocadero;

-- while there was a fierce snowstorm in Paris in early Jan 1987 (not early February 1987 as the storyline would have it, but close enough), that is not the only snowstorm to have hit Paris in the last 50 years. The most recent was 2003.

Anyway, let's pretend that there is at least a kernel of truth here -- if LW sent her flowers, and he himself is not unlisted, she could easily find him if she wanted to -- the fact that she didn't probably means that although her life seems drab from the outside, she who is living it finds it far preferable to whatever memory she has of LW. She's married and -- gasp! -- has moved on.

Another way LW might help himself get over the years of regret blah blah blah is to look at his children and remember that they wouldn't be here if he hadn't let Fantasy Woman drive off on that snowy night in January/February 1987.... Path not taken and all that.

So write your next chapter already and get on with it. Tome I ends here, let Tome II begin.

It sounds like you're generally OK and fairly realistic about how great your life is, except after these calls with your parents, when you feel poisoned and have a few weeks (months?) of self-loathing brought on by their comments and attitude.

If you can't go so far as to cut them off completely, I would limit all conversations with them to THEM -- how they are, what they are up to, what they think of whatever.... give them no information whatsoever about yourself, protect yourself, and if they try to turn the conversation to you steer it back to them. "Diet's fine. Hey, how is your friend Mabel doing?"

No details, no opinions, nothing. Eventually, of course, they'll catch on and probably call you on it -- at that point you can meet them head on ("Why (do you want to know about my life)? Frankly, I generally feel attacked and criticized whenever I tell you how things are going, so I'm not sure what the point is. Let's just be cordial and talk about you."). From there you might actually have an ultimately constructive (but probably very emotionally heated and draining) conversation -- which may or may not lead to a change in their attitude, but either way at least you'll have expressed yourself and let them know that you don't plan to open yourself up to their abuse anymore.

Or you can dodge and parry and just get out of there. "Oh, does it seem like I'm not telling you stuff? Hmm, didn't mean to. Oh, gee, I really need to go now..."

The main objective is to protect yourself and avoid these attack-fests, so give them as little as possible to pounce on. It sounds like they are unlikely to change their behavior, but you can certainly change yours and try to avoid exposing yourself to their poison.

However you choose to proceed, best of luck.