It's important to remember that campaigning is very different from governing. Campaigning for elections, in this country, is quite the media circus. From the debates, to the talking heads on TV, to the numerous articles like the ones on Salon and in every publication, they goad the candidates about the most ridiculous things. And the candidates get pulled in. They end up looking pretty distorted. Howard Dean said it well when he described it as theater. And he ought to know. The media did everything they could to make him look crazy. And they succeeded. Even when he lost the Iowa caucuses, he was 20 points ahead in NH until they played that "scream" 900 times on T.V.

Governing is something else. I think that any of the Dem candidates would work hard to get the country back on track and would make a positive difference. I already voted for Obama absentee. I would love an Obama/Edwards ticket. But I'd vote for Hillary if she were the nominee, although I do not believe she'd win.

I think at this time it's important for us to be pragmatic, because there is too much suffering going on in this country and the rest of the world to get too caught up in the emotional drama that our news media thrives on.

The 21st century could turn out to be hard for absolutists.

After Einstein, Quantum theory and James Joyce's novels, one would have surmised that the 20th century would have been hard for absolutists.

And yet...

Beans, pasta, grains, veges. Switching from gourmet fare to buying staples in bulk is sweet and homey and I do that frequently. But it's not food that is my biggest worry. I have great recipes from my college days for eating on the cheap.

No, it's the mortgage, the health insurance, the car repairs and need I say...gas...that really take a bite out of the budget. Have you had to call a plumber lately? There's no amount of bean soup that's going to make up for the cost of that.

So it was true last week. You really were hurt. I hope you heal quickly.

And fill it with filtered water from the tap. I fell in love with these bottles: http://www.kleankanteen.com/ I bought 4 of them so I could have one at home, one in the car, one in my backpack and one in the dishwasher. It feels really good to stop buying all that plastic and to stop spending money on water.

My mother was a bit like that, focusing on the negative, worried about everything. I realized there was a limit to how much of it I could handle so I did what Cary suggested. I distanced myself. I moved far away. I saw her for brief visits where I planned fun things for us to do and then left before it started getting too neurotic. I was careful not to share too much of my life particularly anything that would get the worry wheels turning. At an early age I realized that she was who she was and that wasn't going to change. So I accepted her completely for who she was and I limited my contact with her to what felt tolerable to me. No, it wasn't terribly satisfying and I would have loved for it to be different. Certainly I had important needs that went unmet, but it was what it was. I feel that, given the circumstances I did my best.

Four years ago, when the right wing adopted the phrase "family values" to characterize themselves I felt that the Democratic Party needed a two word description as well. "Equal Rights" is what I came up with as I felt that it was the bottom line of providing opportunity to anyone willing to work for it that the Democratic Party stood for.

Four years later I'm as much in shock as Ms. Maran. What the hell? How can we be so proud of breaking through the race barrier while at the same time denying people who love each other full rights to marry and have all the rights and protections and family identity that it implies?

I live in CA. A week before the election I spoke with a close lesbian friend who expressed her extreme worry about Prop 8 passing. For her it meant so much to have that acceptance, she said she felt she couldn't even go into work the next day if it passed. I remember her anguish 4 years ago when something like 9 different states passed initiatives against gay marriage.

I was sure it wouldn't pass. I was sure that Obama voters in CA would vote against it. Weren't they the compassionate all embracing democratic people who wanted peace and equality? The day after the election I was devastated and I thought how my friend must be feeling. I remember her hurt and anger 4 years ago and I have yet to call her. I'm afraid. I have been so jubilant about Obama's victory and I would so love to share that with her but I know she is in pain in a way I can only imagine.

So I appreciate this article. My friend could have written it. Although, interestingly, it's her partner who could care less about legal marriage. Still, it's about choice and freedom, which is what this country is supposed to be about.