Letters to the Editor
an american in munich
Published Letters: 4 Editor's Choice: 1
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Your best friend is not a real friend!
[Read the article: My best friend is now my mom's best friend]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Most of the letters to the editor seem to take the friend's side (she can be friends with your mom - it's a free world, grow up, LW has childhood issues, etc) but I think your friend is being selfish and unkind. She knows the issues and she is deliberately choosing to be extra close to the LW mother. There is a good article on the Psychology Today website about best friends (http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20061102-000001.xml) which very accurately describes what makes a best friend. The LW friend most definitely does not fit this description. I do thing there are some issues with the parents that could be worked on, but I think the main issue is with the friend not the LW!
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A BF, by defintion, doesn't do things she knows are hurtful!
[Read the article: My best friend is now my mom's best friend]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dear LW,
I hope you have a tough skin because some of these letters were really harsh - and from people who only know you from a few online posts. My point was not that you can control your best friend or your mother, but that you can choose to think differently about your best friend. A best friend, by definition, doesn't do things that she knows are hurtful! This person is not a best friend. Yes, you have invested many years in the relationship but time alone is not what makes a bf relationship. Each person's sensitivity and caring about the other is what counts. My bf and I have gone through a lot - we have each disagreed with the other's life choices yet I have always felt that she considered my feelings and supported me. She stayed friends with one of my ex's yet she never made me feel she would choose him over me. Never!
I have the same kind of relationship with my sister, my other bf! I would hope everyone could experience these kind of true bfs, including the LW.
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I'm 49 and still beautiful!
[Read the article: I can't stand losing my beauty as I age!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'm 49 and was similarly blessed in the looks department. I never had to "do" anything, just "be" and I got lots of attention (not all of it wanted, including a rape at 15). I find that men are still attracted and interested - my boyfriend is 36. Why? Because I love people, am optimistic and cheerful and have interesting things to say. I tell funny stories, read about current events, have a great job, etc. I have to "work" more now but it's better for me. I like myself better! I have something to give as well as get. What I have lost in looks I've gained in real self-esteem because what I have now will not go away. I have a friend who says that men only look at the youngest woman in the room. I never noticed this till she pointed it out. I didn't notice it because I was focused on talking to men who weren't looking at the 18 year olds. And, yes, men like that exist. I hope the LW doesn't turn to plastic surgery. Spend the money on a hobby or a trip, some life experience that will nourish you instead!
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Plan B
[Read the article: I need a new dream]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Several things - grieving is important (and it will probably take longer than a week at the spa) and a process that takes as long as it takes. For me it was 5 years. And after that you can and will find a new dream. What is your choice? If you don't you will go down a path of bitterness and depression. Most of us have to settle for Plan B which can actually turn out to be ok if you have the right attitude about it. Also, there is no guarantee that Plan A would have been the perfect dream you imagine it be. Lastly you can become a foster adoptive parent for no money and with pretty good odds that you will get a child. Most states are desperate for loving people to take care of children in foster care. Talk about doing good in the world!
I went through the whole process to become a foster adoptive single mother and then out of the blue got an offer to live in Munich. Plan C. I never thought my life would turn out like this, but it's good.
It sounds like you have the mental, emotional and financial resources to come through this a stronger person with a new dream. Best of luck with Plan B!