Letters to the Editor
Kiarnit
Published Letters: 21 Editor's Choice: 1
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Earplugs, anyone?
[Read the article: Flying the child-unfriendly skies]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]First, let me say that I hate the air travel experience, and I fly a lot - my husband's family lives on the other side of the Atlantic. I have no children, and I am routinely appalled at the bad behavior that parents not only tolerate but encourage through lack of consistent rules.
However - when you purchase a plane ticket, you have reserved a seat on a commercial flight. That's it. You don't get to select your fellow passengers. You have the right not to be physically assaulted, and that's about it. Don't like it? Get a private plane. Can't afford that? Suck it up and quit whining. It's no fun for the rest of us either, but the screaming babies are a thousand times less annoying than the self-righteous complaining. Put some earplugs in, take an Ambien, and resign yourself to some unpleasantness. It won't kill you, and it's not your place to try to reform everyone around you. Didn't bring any earplugs and sleeping pills? Plan better next time. If the kid is kicking your seat back, politely inform the parents that it's disturbing you. If they don't take action, ring the flight attendant and ask whether you can be reseated. Spend your energy complaining about TSA rules that inconvenience ALL flyers and make us no safer, and leave your fellow passengers alone, in the knowledge that you will never have to see them again after you reach your destination.
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Don't discount your friends
[Read the article: Should I stay East or go West?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Girl, your friends are out west, and it doesn't sound like you've found any friends back east who can take their place. If there's nothing intrinsically compelling about the East Coast for you, don't assume that family will be able to substitute for good friends.
Furthermore, living close to family is overrated. As one poster pointed out, living across town is no guarantee of being closer than if you lived across the country. I would also be very wary of living close to your parents if they are pressuring you to do it - particularly if you're thinking about reproducing. Raising kids is hard enough without having parents who are all up in your business because they never figured out what the appropriate boundaries are. (That said, if you are comfortable with your parents' level of involvement in your life, they can be a great help by pinch-hitting with the kiddos when you need it.)
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There's honesty, and then there's TMI
[Read the article: Should I tell my kids about all the drugs I used to do?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]There's no need to lie and tell your kids you were a total straight arrow who never touched an illicit substance. They probably won't believe you anyway.
But you don't need to go to the opposite extreme and tell them about every drug-fueled incident from your youth either. Trust me, they don't really want to know.
When they're a little older and these uncomfortable questions come up, can't you say something like, "Yeah, I did try some illegal substances a few times when I was a whole lot younger. I'm not going to get into what and when and all the stupid details, but what you should know is that I look back and wonder why I took those risks for something that really wasn't worth it. I mean, I didn't know for sure what was in the stuff I tried and it could have killed me; I could have been arrested; I could have lost my scholarship or my job. I know people are always curious about what drug experiences are like when they're young, but I can tell you right now that nothing I experienced was worth the risks I took. I took those risks because I didn't really think about them, and I didn't realize that the good life I had wasn't worth risking. But I think you've heard more about those risks than I did at your age, and I hope you've thought about them more, too. And I hope you think the life you've got right now isn't worth gambling with. I love you, and I want you to be safe and happy. I don't want to see you get arrested or struggle with trying to stop taking something that's taken over your life when you thought you were just going to try it once. I've seen friends go through that, and it's the last thing in the world that I want for you."
When you say that you're not going to get into details about your experiences, mean it. Don't give them some B.S. about how they have to tell you everything they do (they won't) when you're not going to tell them everything about your past; just set a boundary and stick to it. There's no need to give them info that they can glamorize or use to justify their own experimentation. Make it clear that you love them and want better for them than illegal drug use, and that you expect them to stay away from doing anything illegal while you're looking out for them. That's not being hypocritical - that's being a parent.