Letters to the Editor
Older and Wiser
Published Letters: 57 Editor's Choice: 19
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Trodden Ground
[Read the article: My sister is in perpetual crisis -- should I give her $5,000?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]This isn't the first (and, will there ever be a last?) letter in SYA that deals with an LW's guilt over a sibling's incorrigible behavior. One would think that the LW has read such letters in SYA before writing in.
And, the answer is always, rightfully, the same: Don't put yourself at financial risk when you know that any dough you give the sib might as well just be flushed down the tubes. You can't be responsible for her behavior, and even a productive thought such as paying for school won't pan out, as that's not really what the sister wants.
It is sad to see someone in such a downward spiral, but this is more than just giving a person a leg up. It's giving her your own legs, and everything else, to boot.
The only way that the sister can even begin to be helped is if she gets rid of the bum in her life, totally and permanently. Nothing else can happen until that does. If she's going to reach out to anyone for help, it will have to be on her own. This guy is absolutely toxic, and, yes, more a symptom than the disease, but he's dangerous enough to run everybody, kids included, into the ground.
LW may not be the person to tell her this. But the sister should hear it from someone, and act fast.
This will have a good outcome only by the miracle of the sister getting her act together, and getting serious about it.
As hard as it is, Cary's right. I don't know, technically, if much can be done for the children, but perhaps social services can help some. But if abuse and/or neglect can't be proved and charged, then I think it would be on a volunteer basis, and the sister will have to decide if her children are important enough.
Bottom line: Don't give her a cent. It's no mystery that, if you do, you'll never see it again, and it will solve exactly nothing.
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"Same Difference" for Heteros
[Read the article: Do you have to be gay to tell another guy his eyes are pretty?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Cary's advice is good (and funny, for once!)
If LW were my friend (I'm a hetero female), I'd tell him what I'd tell any other friend, regardless of orientation: If you really like this job, don't even go there. It will only add unnecessary drama to your life, and may even cost you your job in the future.
In addition, Mr. Flirty does sound like he can be trouble. If a man at my workplace told me I have pretty eyes (and, I don't mind telling you, I do), I might be very superficially flattered, but my gut reaction would be "uh-oh." I happen to be unavailable, but, even so, I've been around long enough to know first-hand that workplace dating is--usually--a REALLY BAD IDEA.
LW sounds like a nice guy. But he sure makes gay guys sound like nothing but narcissistic and superficial, all that body-and-face-to-die-for stuff. Wouldn't he like a nice, mutual relationship with someone interesting and sincere, and openly reciprocal regarding attracton? Aren't there are other venues where he can meet such nice guys?
I might be missing here a whole 'nuther "universe" regarding gay relationships. But I'm figuring that lotsa gay people want what lotsa heteros do--a gratifying, respectful, affectionate relationship with a true, trusted companion.
LW, don't fall for head games by Mr. Flirty and Company. Think about what you really want and deserve. Think about ways to go about obtaining that.
Rather than being flattered, set yourself up to be liked, admired, loved. That's usually a process--rarely does it begin with a "spark" of romance, which can flame out all too quickly, leaving one despondent and regretful.
Seek out real friendships, and see what blossoms from there.
Good luck!