Letters to the Editor
Older and Wiser
Published Letters: 56 Editor's Choice: 19
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Professional Mentoring
[Read the article: My new assistant laughs at everything I say]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I know from experience that too many people don't get helpful mentoring regarding how they come across to others in a professional arena (and sitcoms, while they can be great fun to watch, don't help to set examples).
Like others here, I've made my fair share (and then some) of behavioral mistakes and assumptions that how I was acting was perfectly okay (when it wasn't).
Cary is, IMO, way off-base regarding the assistant's possibly being after her boss's job (where did he come up with that one--a sitcom?). She's probably just somewhat unsure of herself; my guess is that somewhere along the line she got positive reinforcement for being "sunny and funny," and thinks that's the way to behave--or got negative reinforcment for being too serious, and now she's overcompensating (my instinct tends toward the former, however).
The LW, if she values her assistant's skills, can indeed meet privately with her and give her the "good news" first (specifics about accomplishments, etc.), and then segue into the "however...," in which she can tell the assistant that while she appreciates her positive attitude and enthusiasm, she should consider that laughing all the time gives an impression of not taking things seriously, or conveys nervousness or trying too hard. She can tell the assistant that sometimes a smile can take the place of a laugh, and while it's great that she appears happy and pleasant, she can relax a bit and dial it down to enhance professional behavior that matches her skills.
If the assistant doesn't know better than to take this as professional, and not personal, advice, then she may indeed be wrong for the job. But if she's given time to internalize it and act accordingly (and get positive feedback for same), then boss and assistant can find themselves in that good ol' "win-win" situation.
(Side note: Hard to believe that LW would be so naive as to take references literally, when in fact the whole world knows that positive references can be a cover-up in order to pass someone along sans lawsuit.)
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Professional Mentoring (Redux - With Correction in Penultimate Paragraph)
[Read the article: My new assistant laughs at everything I say]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Professional Mentoring
I know from experience that too many people don't get helpful mentoring regarding how they come across to others in a professional arena (and sitcoms, while they can be great fun to watch, don't help to set examples).
Like others here, I've made my fair share (and then some) of behavioral mistakes and assumptions that how I was acting was perfectly okay (when it wasn't).
Cary is, IMO, way off-base regarding the assistant's possibly being after her boss's job (where did he come up with that one--a sitcom?). She's probably just somewhat unsure of herself; my guess is that somewhere along the line she got positive reinforcement for being "sunny and funny," and thinks that's the way to behave--or got negative reinforcment for being too serious, and now she's overcompensating (my instinct tends toward the former, however).
The LW, if she values her assistant's skills, can indeed meet privately with her and give her the "good news" first (specifics about accomplishments, etc.), and then segue into the "however...," in which she can tell the assistant that while she appreciates her positive attitude and enthusiasm, she should consider that laughing all the time gives an impression of not taking things seriously, or conveys nervousness or trying too hard. She can tell the assistant that sometimes a smile can take the place of a laugh, and while it's great that she appears happy and pleasant, she can relax a bit and dial it down to enhance professional behavior that matches her skills.
If the assistant doesn't comprehend that she should take this as professional, and not personal, advice, then she may indeed be wrong for the job. But if she's given time to internalize it and act accordingly (and get positive feedback for same), then boss and assistant can find themselves in that good ol' "win-win" situation.
(Side note: Hard to believe that LW would be so naive as to take references literally, when in fact the whole world knows that positive references can be a cover-up in order to pass someone along sans lawsuit.)
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Cultivating Talent
[Read the article: My 13-year-old singer wants to quit piano lessons]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]As a parent, I know what it's like to see talent in a child and try to encourage it and instill a sense of discipline. On the other hand, I don't believe in trying to stick a square peg into a round hole. The repeated word in this letter that troubles me the most is "pushing." I know what's meant, but this word reveals a lot of anxiety that is no doubt picked up on by the child.
On the one hand, why does she need to continue piano? If she's singing and very talented, maybe she'd like a break and continue with just voice, or pick up another instrument, later on. She could just be very tired of piano and needs some time to "refresh" her attitude towards it.
On the other hand, maybe it's something about the lessons she doesn't like. If she's learning classical pieces and is bored with them, could she practice music she likes more? Can she be introduced to jazz, blues, some rock? These are legitimate styles of music by which one can become an able musician. Maybe she needs to mix up the styles. Or...maybe she needs a new instructor, someone with whom she can bring what she knows, and start fresh. Maybe that can kick in some new enthusiasm, or at least a willingness to attend lessons and practice.
When a person really doesn't want to do something, coercion will not foster her/his ability to do it better. This girl's parent should revel in his/her daughter's talents, and offer encouragement and support. But there should be a balance, keeping the child's mental and emotional health in mind.
Explore more, push less. Give her some options. Let her take a break.
How wonderful to have a talented singer in the family!