Letters to the Editor
Older and Wiser
Published Letters: 56 Editor's Choice: 19
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Shock and Boundaries
[Read the article: We had a secret online affair ... and then he killed himself]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]There's a lot to be said about online communications, how it can bring people together who otherwise might not have met, and how it can enrich lives.
Of course, there's the other side, in which curiosity and "inner selves" can be revealed in a medium that's conducive to throwing caution to the wind.
Due to a wanting self-image, the LW let herself be drawn into this relationship, although it's hard for me to understand how she didn't just cut it off when he expressed really unhealthy and dangerous tendencies.
The LW occupied barely a sliver of this man's life. There is so much she doesn't know, about the reality of his day-to-day life, his behavior with his wife and children, what he was seeking from others, what he was hiding. There's absolutely nothing she can contribute to his survivors, and she has nothing to gain by contacting them. The last thing his widow would want is a phone call from a stranger, especially one with questions. LW will have to come to grips with never knowing what drove this man to suicide, and that there was nothing or no one who could stop him.
I think the LW should indeed be grateful that she had the ability to recognize a healthy relationship in her husband, and move forward with her own life and let go of that seamy, unhealthy chapter. I understand how learning of the suicide was a shock. But she might want to think and talk through this whole episode with a professional who can help her get it out of her system and re-set her boundaries and help her look forward from this point on.
Many of us do things that, in retrospect, make us feel ashamed, confused, surprised at our own behavior, especially when it counters our common sense, that we "should have known better." But it's crucial to put it in perspective, get past it, and move on. LW has a good opportunity to do so, and I hope she gets professional help, as her husband, while he seems to care, also doesn't seem to have a handle on how inappropriately intrusive the LW's impulse is (i.e., he'd be okay with her calling the widow). LW needs someone to make her see that, regardless of how she's haunted by this death, her thoughts and actions should be directed toward focusing on healthy goals and relationships, and perhaps use this episode only as a cautionary reminder of where not to go.
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Bill the Cat for President!
[Read the article: Opus day!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I adored "Bloom County" and welcomed "Outland." I always felt that Opus stood for all of us, even when he impulsively ordered anything and everything from home shopping programs.
I wonder if Bill the Cat can be propped up enough to enter politics again--no better campaign manager than Opus, the best in the business! We need their presence to put everything in perspective.
How wonderful to have Opus back again. Didn't know it was in the works. It's like getting a wonderful, unexpected gift.
I'll be waiting in the dandelion patch for you to join me...
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Support Your Local Economy - And Enjoy
[Read the article: I don't know how to take a vacation!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Think about something that interests you that might be found in museums or archives, a film festival, or music that you like. You can make that a kind of "theme" from which to work. You don't have to go for a solid week or two; you can break it up into some long weekends.
See if you can manage to go off-season (just before or after the rush), when rates are lower and crowds are smaller.
Then...check to see what's only a drive away from your home. I'll bet that within your home state, you can find a lot to see and do on your own time. First look for what you might like, e.g., museums, music performances, biking/hiking, theater, a weekend event. You can Google B&B's and hotels, pick one that suits you, and just call them and ask questions. You might find out about some events that you wouldn't have known otherwise.
Pack simply and for the weather (you might want to take one "dinner" outfit, other than jeans). Go and explore and attend the events that interest you. Take walks and learn about the area, discover some neat little restaurants that the locals know about.
Doing this over a long weekend might make it simpler to plan, and you won't have to hassle with airports, security, etc.
Since you know people who travel, they might have pets, so ask them what they do. You could hire someone to come to your home and look after kitty, or find a suitable, professional pet hostel. Veterinarians' offices often have postings of people who offer pet-related services. Would any neighbors help out?
If the trip is just for a few days, there are "self-feeders" for cats that work well, so you can actually leave him/her alone for a while, knowing that he/she will have adequate food and water.
I think the key is to make it simple, stick to what you know you'd like, and keep it local and shorter for a couple of times to get the hang of it.
But, for goodness' sake, I think you ought to also re-evaluate your professional life and consider your health and well-being! While it's admirable that you have the drive to make a successful business, it won't do anyone much good if one day your neck stiffens, you go per-thlunk over your keyboard, and your cat doesn't care to call 911. Success doesn't mean having to drive yourself into your grave.
Eat dessert first, and make a simple plan. I'm sure you'll figure it out.
Good luck and bon voyage!