Letters to the Editor
Older and Wiser
Published Letters: 56 Editor's Choice: 19
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Don't Believe Canards About "Every Man"
[Read the article: I can't stand losing my beauty as I age!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"I don't believe this and yet I am afraid that it is so, that if every man in the universe were to take a quiz and be totally, totally honest about what kind of woman he'd prefer to be with, he'd pick 'young' over any other attribute."
You're right, LW, you oughtn't believe it. I'm 54 and have a 55-yr-old boyfriend who was never attracted to younger women--even in his youth. He always appreciated maturity and experience, and has no use for even smart young women who he can't relate to in terms of life experience, not to mention popular culture.
I have two girlfriends, also in their 50s, who have boyfriends in the same age range, and no one is forcing these guys to stay in these relationships. They're each in it because he's with the right woman.
Look, I, too, used to be what some people thought was cute and pretty. I'm not bad for my age, although losing weight would do me a world of good (and is the one thing that would make me feel even better about myself, and, what's more, it's do-able).
On the other hand, while I haven't held high-level jobs as you have, I have so much going on in my life. In addition to being a mom (boys 15 and 20), I have the aforementioned boyfriend, friends, a social life. Also, I'm on the board of two volunteer organizations, and, as I do posters and publicity for one and a newsletter for the other, I'm busier than I've ever been in ways that have "unleashed" the latent artist in me (on an amateur level, but I'm having fun, and my efforts are appreciated). I even, at times, get to be creative at work.
It has recently occurred to me that I have so much opportunity to use my brain power and talents as never before, and I'm really enjoying that. Plus, I'm loved.
While I sympathize and empathize with the dread of aging and losing one's youthful looks, I am also thankful that I have a fulfilling life that I really wouldn't want to swap with anyone else.
You have so much going for you--now is not the time to wallow in insecurities! Now's the time to appreciate who you are, what you've become, and thankful that you're still as pretty (if not more so) than you ever were. Don't live your life by what you think "every man" thinks. Is your boyfriend about to throw you over? And, if he is, who needs him? If not, then he apparently has good taste in women, and knows his priorities.
Please get your own priorities straight. Good Lord, life is short enough. Keep yourself fit and healthy, and it will show. If you believe yourself to be beautiful (in a natural way) and worthy of admiration, then you always will be.
Being in your forties doesn't mean you're not "hot" (hey, I was). Your self-confidence, not botox or tummy tucks, is what will make you shine.
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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
[Read the article: My ex-con neighbor owes me money]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, you say you work independently, so did you give your neighbor an estimate before you started work (even at a discount)? You state that small claims court would be his word vs. yours, but didn't you document what you did, or take before and after photos, just in case? Didn't you document your hours and the cost of parts? Since this is your profession, why wouldn't you think a judge would find you believable?
That being said, this guy sounds like a dangerous nut job, and attempting to get your money could cost you more dearly. I don't agree with Cary that it's time to find a "peace pocket," or some such thing. A lunatic is a lunatic. If he's willing to hurt animals, it's not a large leap to hurting humans. He's obviously unconcerned with teaching his son the niceties of life, like not breaking into people's houses and vandalizing their property.
If he acts in a way that's threatening or as a danger to the neighborhood, call the police. Ask to be anonymous, as you don't want to be considered the source of the complaint. If you think his son is being abused or mistreated in any way, call children's services.
Other than that, I'd say get out and stay out of his way. Why look for trouble? Do things to the property (locks, etc.) to make it less vulnerable to break-ins. Make it clear by your silence that you no longer wish to have contact. If he asks for your help again, say it isn't possible, as the outstanding matter had not been resolved, and he'll have to take his car elsewhere.
Worst case scenario, you may have to consider moving. You're young enough to be flexible and find another reasonable place, maybe even one not so tattered.
Here's the thing: Do professional favors for, if anyone, only people you know well, are of good character, don't have screaming phone calls in the street, and will most likely pay you every time. But it's probably best, while you're starting out, to stick with the actual labor and parts charges that you're entitled to (which will probably help your business grow faster), and save the favors for later on in life when you're better established and have trusted friends and acquaintances.
You sound like a good soul, but don't be a sucker. You've got a business to run, and you don't want to be run into the ground--or worse--by a violent nut job whose presence becomes potentially more threatening by the hour.
Stick with fair business practices, develop good judgment people-wise, and, unlike what Cary suggests, don't be so quick to be a favor-doer or peace maker. You can try to feed a wild animal, and it will still attack you. Go with your gut to protect yourself and your fiancee so you can both live to a ripe old age while you become a highly-respected, well-paid, expert automotive technician in high demand.
Good luck.