Letters to the Editor
Older and Wiser
Published Letters: 56 Editor's Choice: 19
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Being "Orphaned" at Any Age is Devastating
[Read the article: I can't get home to see my mom before she dies]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dear LW (and, no, you're not rotten),
About eight years ago, I visited my parents several times (in another state) when my father was terminally ill. I subsequently flew down with my sons for us to see him for the last time, but he died the morning we arrived, so we attended his funeral instead. My mother's 84 and still doing well (still residing out of state), but I'm ever mindful that she can go into decline at any moment, and, although I'm 54, it does scare me.
One thing you stated made me take notice, which is that the last time you talked to your mother, it was about her Will. You describe the discussion as "always-macabre," but I disagree. It seems to me that the fact that she spoke to you about this shows a great deal of caring and concern for you. I agree that, most likely (as she sounds like she had been sensible) she wouldn't have wanted you to lose your apartment or get into dire straits if you had gone to see her. Her speaking with you about her Will signals to me that her priorities were in place, and that she was unselfish and "practical" about the lives of her children (especially, as you noted, she had such a hard life, herself).
I'm assuming here that, in your conversation, you let your mother know that you love her. If you've done that, then please try not to beat yourself up over the circumstances of your not seeing her. You may need to work this out with professional help, so you can have peace of mind about this.
In our society, we rarely have families who are not scattered to the winds, to all corners of the country, if not the world. We can't always be where we'd like to be; circumstances are often complex, and it's difficult to manage time, money, and other family members.
You're not cavalier or nonchalant about this (otherwise, of course, you wouldn't have written). But your sense of guilt can be an all-consuming thing that can impede your moving forward in your own life in a healthy way.
Please see a professional about this so that you can honor your mother's life and be kind to yourself. Moving forward, becoming financially stable, doing meaningful work, staying in touch with family, being kind to others--these are just some of the ways that you can accomplish this.
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Maybe There Was a Solution of Sorts...
[Read the article: A man farted in my face on the plane and I said nothing!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]If I were in that situation and really gagging, I would have sought out a flight attendant and asked if there were any kind of air freshener or odor eliminator on board, and tell her/him the reason why. I wouldn't have made the gaseous one out to be a bad guy, but I would be honest about the reason.
Flight attendants are people, too, and I'm sure they've seen and heard it all. I don't know what, if any, products are carried on an airplane to resolve this kind of thing, but, hey, it's worth finding out.
Also, along the line of editoranne's comment, if you have anything with a pleasant scent (that can get through security okay), you can use that for a quick "remedy".
No matter what kind of condition someone has, I think they owe it to others to, as much as possible, use some sort of discretion. But accidents do happen. And it doesn't hurt to have some compassion.
But I also don't believe in suffering in silence if some practical solution is, at least potentially, at hand.