So do you mean how and when to broach the subject? There will never be a right time. You just pick a wrong time, any one will do so long as you have a little bit of time (not too much), and say "I hope this isn't a surprise, but our marriage isn't working. I can't stay married. I've rented an apartment on the other side of town." And if she says "Why?" You say "I don't think I'm every going to be able to give you an explanation that is satisfying. The truth is we should probably have never gotten married at all (if that's true). I was an idiot and tried to avoid causing pain then, and as a result I'm probably causing more now. And that sucks. But that's the situation. I've just decided, the sooner we end this, the sooner we'll recover."

Or something along those lines. Acknowledge that there is no explanation that will make this understandable or easy. If she hasn't seen the writing on the wall, there is nothing you will be able to say to make this make sense. And really, trying to make sense of any of it is pretty silly. When really good things happen to people do they spend a lot of time looking for explanations that will help them understand their good fortune? No. They have a party. So don't try to give explanations that you don't have. Blame yourself for not having taken care of it earlier. Whatever you do, don't say you're bad at marriage. That's completely lame. We're good at anything we choose to be good at. You did not choose to be good at this--why that is so is immaterial at the moment.

Don't be afraid to hurt. To see her hurt. To cry and feel like life is coming to an end. To walk away and not know what is going on with her. That a person would not look forward to this is merely evidence of sanity.

As my mom always told me, "you're made of sturdy stuff." And she is too. And for God's sake, don't get yourself into another one of these situations without spending lots of time with a therapist figuring out how you got yourself into this one.

Or if none of this is applicable, what Cary said.

Okay. I admit. I've sat through my share of mediocre sermons. But I've also heard many brilliant ones. And they are one of my favorite things in all the world. Right up there with sex.

As is church music. Not praise bands. Hymns. Here I raise mine Ebenezer, hither by Thy help I'm come. And I hope by thy good pleasure safely to arrive at home. Born to wander Lord I feel it. Born to leave the God I love. On the pipe organ--all stops out. Or a capella--no accompaniament, no amplification. Human voices united, suspended in air.

Church is poetry.

And it is argument. Christ's religion needs no prop from any worldly source, and to the degree it is thus supported it is but a millstone hanged about its neck.

Of course it is misused, abused and misunderstood. Conventionality is not morality, self righteousness is not religion.

But even when the sermons are bad, they are not dull. They make me angry. I want to argue. I want to articulate why the minister got it wrong. And I want a minister who will hear me out.

And yes. There are plenty of such ministers.

That said, I would no more go to your mother-in-law's mega church than I would fly. Nor would I be remotely concerned whether she thought I was the devil. In fact, if I thought it would keep her from trying to get me into the mega-church, I'd tell her I was the devil. If she wants to bring it up, let her. At which point just tell her how much your faith means to you. Don't try to persuade. Just share. And if you need to get out of attending mega-church without proclaiming yourself to be satan, try this: "I'd really rather not, thank you."

And do what Cary said. Have ordinary, non-religious interaction with her. I was just a bit slack jawed at the sum total of religious experience being dismissed as "dull."

What about that whole bully pulpit thing? All Obama has done--so far as I know--is express an opinion. A sensible one at that. I was as eager to show Lieberman the door as anyone, in large part because of what I perceived as an offense against Obama. Obama is saying that I shouldn't be concerned about that. Which made me do a bit of googling and discover that Lieberman, even in his "independent" status, has voted with the Democratic party more often than Clair McCaskill, Evan Bayh and Mary Landrieu. That is something worth considering when you need people to hang together and get things done.

For better or for worse Lieberman is in the Senate for four more years. The Democratic party can run hard against him in the next election, but until then we need to get along. The only thing we gain from throwing a hissy fit and ostracizing Lieberman is momentary satisfaction. If he is going to be an impediment in passing legislation that is something else and will need to be dealt with, but absent that, just start planning for an election.