The idea that finances should not be a consideration in divorce is absurd. Every penny you spend maintaining separate living spaces is a penny that will not be spent supporting your children. I have a friend who couldn't afford divorce. Divorce would have meant a level of subsistance for her and her child she simply couldn't accept. Moreover, divorce would have meant full time work for my friend and much less time with the child, for both parents. Divorce was taken off the table, she worked on improving her satisfaction with other aspects of her life, and as a result has a better marriage and a child with two doting parents in the same home. The way I look at it, poverty was a gift. If she had been "better off", her child's world could have been torn apart.

people are amazingly unwilling to set out for a new state. Say, like Ohio where you can get a three bedroom home near a university for less than $200K. Pack up the covered wagon and have an adventure.

Back sometime around elementary school we were taught that when people commit crimes, they commit them against all of society--not just against the persons most hurt. That's why prosecutors are public servants and not hired by the victim's family. In recent years it feels like no one teaches this any more. Its not about society as a whole anymore--its all about the victims. What an awful burden to feel like you have to expose personal grief in order for justice to be served. As though the crime would have been okay if your father had had no children to grieve.

Victims should be absolved of all responsbility save for testifying to the facts. Even though you felt it most, all of society was harmed when your father was killed. And frankly, all of society was harmed when the kid next door was abused.

Courts of law are not perfect places. People lie, a lot. And little is every done. Guilty people can be exonerated, the innocent can be convicted. I once watched a guy who killed three college kids while driving drunk get 30 years. Friends of the victims even asked for mercy for the guy--saying that but for the grace of God any of the victims or their friends could have been in that guy's shoes. At the time, I knew a college kid who had in fact done the same thing and gotten off with minimal jail time and probation. Legislatures have tried and tried to achieve fairness and consistancy in sentencing. It's not going to happen. Every judge is different. Every prosecutor. Every defense attorney. Every defendant. Each unique set of circumstances--including possible lies--creates a unique outcome. Your goal has to be to let it go. Just like we must always let go things that are not in our control. It's done. You are alive. Every day is precious. You must learn to enjoy them again. I know its easier said than done. But the alternative is unthinkable.

It seem to me that Kristol's point was not that it was stupid to attack Obama regarding Ayers, Wright, etc., but that it was stupid to equivocate on these points. Either its McCain's message and it should be conveyed consistently by all involved, including McCain, or its not and it shouldn't be.

As for the recriminations, McCain will find that he has few friends when this business is done. There is not a single person involved in politics of any persuasion that doesn't think he/she could have run a better campaign than McCain did. The real fun will be watching Palin turn on McCain.

To just go ahead and state the obvious, this is why you don't get involved with someone who is cheating. Or if you do, you do so with your eyes wide open. (See Appaloosa--in theaters now, seriously.)

But to my mind, life is too short to stay in a relationship that is so obviously flawed. Remember the good times. Get a bit weepy. Now go find good times with someone else. And while you're waiting to bump into her, do Cary's exercise.

My 13 year old was complaining to me a few months ago about a girl who dumped him. Get good at breaking up, I told him. It's one of the best skills you can have. At some point you have to learn when not to break up too, but you still have a lot of time for that. And this ain't it. (Notice the distinct absence of letters encouraging you to stay together and work this out.)

Yes, ending relationships is painful. But its part of life. You are in good company. Now never badmouth her. Ever. Not drunk. Not sober. It was what it was. If there were no good times to remember, blame yourself for staying in the relationship to begin with.

And all those scary Republicans who were going to destroy the fragile Obama?