Letters to the Editor
MBlack
Published Letters: 24 Editor's Choice: 12
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Rebecca Traister's review of Maureen Dowd's new book
[Read the article: Yes, Maureen Dowd is necessary]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]In her review of Maureen Dowd's new book, Rebecca Traister writes: "But look at what Dowd has gotten. Look at this life: the house, the friends, the exes, the job, the Pulitzer, her siblings and nieces and her relationship with her mother. It's such a full, rich life. And that's OK, right? Well? Is it? I don't know, and what 'Are Men Necessary?' tells me is that Dowd doesn't either."
If a man had all these accomplishments to his credit, and remained unmarried, he'd be celebrated as a desirable bachelor, a stud, a sexy glamourous man-about-town who had successfully avoided being "captured" in marriage by a woman. A woman, by contrast, is culturally diminished by her single status; she's considered *less* desirable (despite her apparent ability to attract interesting, high-status men) because she hasn't "hooked" a man in marriage.
I find this double standard troubling. First, because it diminishes single women by assuming something is wrong with them if they chose not to marry, and second, because it diminishes married men by portraying them as less sexy than bed-hopping bachelors. How sad that in the year 2005 we're still mired in such double standards, demeaning to both sexes.
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yelling....
[Read the article: I'm a yeller from a family of yellers]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I agree with Dean's letter below. Sometimes two people have very different emotional styles, and this can make it quite difficult for a relationship to work. It doesn't mean that either style is inherently wrong; but they may prove to be incompatible in the long run.
My previous partner was a hair-trigger "yeller". To him, yelling was a healthy emotional release; to me, it was verbally violent and upsetting. I prefer to handle conflict through quiet discussion. Since other things about the relationship were good, we tried for three years to compromise. He tried to bring his yelling down a notch or two; I tried to "toughen up" by yelling back. He thought this was healthy for me. It simply made me miserable. I was turning into a person I didn't want to be. We finally agreed that our emotional styles were just too different, and parted.
Now he's happily married to another yeller. He loves the passion and the drama of their relationship. And I'm happily married to a gentle man who prefers to sit down and talk out any conflicts that arise between us. There's no lack of passion in our relationship either, we just prefer to keep our passion in the bedroom and out of our disagreements. My husband and I are good friends with my former partner and his wife. We all marvel at the differences between our relationships. Both relationships work. And none of us would want to be in the others' place.
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Thank you
[Read the article: Pride and pathetic]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Thank you for your perceptive review, Ms. Fattore. I couldn't agree with you more.
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You have my sympathy
[Read the article: What else I lost]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Tristan, thank you for this poignant article. Losing a best girlfriend can be as hard as losing a husband or family member, yet our society rarely recognizes this. And when the loss is mysterious and inexplicable, it's easy for other people to point the finger and say "Well, you must have done *something* to cause the breach." But sometimes it genuinely isn't your fault. Even if you didn't behave 100% perfectly (and who among us ever does?), in a strong, healthy friendship, two people can sit down at some point, talk about the problem (whatever it may be), and work it out. The fact that your friend won't even tell you why she's ended the friendship indicates to me that this is primarily her problem, not yours. She wanted an end to your friendship for reasons of her own (which may be muddled and unclear even to her), and she has not respected your past years of friendship enough to give you a clear accounting of why. It's heartbreaking when this happens, but there is, alas, nothing you can do about it. I suggest simply forgiving her as best you can (since she's been through an absolutely devastating tragedy, which of course can cause people to behave oddly), bidding her goodbye, and moving on with your own life. There's no point in blaming yourself -- for even if you did upset her in some way, it's impossible for you to apologize or make ammends if she won't dignify you with an explanation. She owed you that, if only in honor of all the close years of friendship you two have had in the past. She didn't give you that basic decency and courtesy, which puts her very much in the wrong. Somewhere in herself, she probably knows that she has behaved badly and feels guilty about it. And in my experience, sometimes when people feel guilty they take those bad feelings out on the person who has inspired the guilt, treating them even worse; or they cut them out of their lives altogether so that they don't have to be reminded of their own bad behavior. You've done all that you can to communicate with your former friend, and to show that you still care about her, and to try to repair the breach. And she's rebuffed every one of these attempts, with no explanation of why. It's time to let go, mourn the lost friendship, heal...and eventually reach the point where a new friend or friends will fill the hole left by the friendship that has died. That's what I did, and I do have close friends again now who value me and my friendship. You will too. Good luck.
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Good move
[Read the article: Goodbye to the Fix, for now]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Although I ocassionally read and enjoyed The Fix, I applaud Salon for making this move. Celebrity fixation is ruining our world, and I too am making a conscious effort to cease being a part of it by reading it. Bravo to this decision.
What I'd like is a "celebrity news" column that focused on and introduced us to the real celebrities of our country: innovative teachers, community workers, artists and performers outside the Hollywood mainstream, etc.
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Thank you
[Read the article: Broadsheet is on hiatus]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Thank you for all you do. I love broadsheet and deeply appreciate having this source of feminist news. Have a good retreat!