Letters to the Editor

• Parsing the LW's question

  [Read the article: My girlfriend tried cocaine at a party! She was drunk! Oh my God!]
  [Read more letters about this article: Here]

  The Letter-Writer writes:

  "I have a crippling emotional distrust of people who do drugs or abuse alcohol."

  Why? Would it kill the LW to explain why?

  "I now think of them as stupid, selfish or insecure."

  Stupid would be if the drug use had serious consequences. Most drug-use "dabbling," however, does not have serious consequences.

  Selfish would be if the drug use somehow deprived another person of happiness, property or opportunity. Mild drug use does not.

  Insecure would be if the drug use were initiated in order to gain approval. Probably a small percentage falls into this category.

  "I'm a graduate student and I have never done drugs and I only drink socially."

  Since you're a graduate student I assume you're intelligent enough to realize that alcohol is a drug.

  "I have no desire to take drugs because a) I don't like losing control of my body"

  Only some drugs make you lose control of your body. Alcohol is one of them. Try asking a pot user hiking through the forest if he's lost control of his body.

  "and b) I don't think it adds anything to a person's character."

  So I take it you never tickley people? Go on a ride at Disneyland? Make out? None of those add to a person's character either.

  That said, I think certain types of drug use can add to one's character. People who take, for example, peyote, or psilocybin mushrooms, and then meditate about life's meaning, are in some way altering -- maybe even enhancing -- their character.

  "She proceeded to describe what it was like and then mention, casually, that her boyfriend in college would do cocaine with his friends."

  I think it's funny that you use the word "casually" to describe her conversation, as if you would have preferred her expression to be more akin to Edward Munch's "The Scream."

  "I've never seen anyone do cocaine or known anyone who did cocaine (at least, publicly)."

  Go rent "Scarface." Then rent "Annie Hall" (or whichever one where Woody Allen sneezes on the cocaine). Then rent "Blow," "Less Than Zero," "Jeckyl & Hyde: Together Again," "Rush" or "Traffic." Then you can see what it's like when people pretend to do drugs. Actual drug use is similar.

  "I've had trouble sleeping since then and can't really get it out of my mind."

  Trouble sleeping? Take drugs! Anyway, it's bizarre you'd be affected this way. People try drugs. They turn up at parties. It's not the ideal scenario but it's the world we live in, and nothing to lose any sleep over.

  "If she had done cocaine in college it would still be problematic, but last year? That's far too late for youthful indiscretion."

  Earth to Letter-Writer: Your girlfriend is still young. If it's been a decade since she graduated college, she'd be about 32 years old, right? Still some elbow room for youthful indiscretion. God forbid we're all too young do anything "dangerous" after 30.

  "The fact that she would so lightly fall to peer pressure while drunk makes me worry about what else she'd do while drunk."

  Why don't you get her drunk to find out? Try to get her to do kinky things to you. It could work out in your favor, you know.

  "So, it also makes me worry that there are other stories with other drugs just waiting to come out."

  So ask her what else she's done. Unless you freaked out on her last time, she'd have no reason not to tell you, right?

  "And this all adds up to make me doubt her and feel anxious and weird around her, probably because the fact that she did cocaine and has no remorse about it troubles me."

  You need to look deep within yourself and seriously ask yourself why you think she should have "remorse." Look up "remorse" in a dictionary first. People have "remorse" when they wish they could go back in time and undo something they've done. It usually involves having wronged another person in some irreversible way. Snorting some chemicals up your sinus cavity does not fall into this category.

  "However, I fully realize that I am really uptight about this subject in general and that I judge people too harshly because of it."

  Again, why?

  "I don't know how the normal person would see this behavior."

  Why are you abnormal? What do you consider normal?

  "I really don't want to judge her or other people and I don't want to lose sleep over this."

  I think this might have to do more with your insecurity about your girlfriend being "corrupt" or "tainted" than it does with the actual drug use. How many girlfriends have you had?

  "Is my thinking really far out of line or should I keep worrying?"

  You should worry much more about yourself than your girlfriend. Your girlfriend goofed around once or twice, and she survived and is not likely to become a drooling drug addict anytime soon. It sounds like she's got her situation well under control.

  Do worry about why you're so uptight. I would start by looking closely at your parents and how they raised you. Stern? Overprotective? Harshly critical? Highly judgmental? High expectations that you stay on the straight-and-narrow? Unimaginative? Or.....what?

  I would further prescribe that you carefully, and intelligently, experiment with limited amounts of drugs -- at least, non-addictive ones like pot. I don't say this because I think people should do drugs. I say this because I think people who are judgmental ought to know something about what they're judging. Go smoke a joint sometime and listen to your favorite music with your girlfriend, maybe roll around in bed together, or whatever. Just have an experience, at least once. See how you feel. Reflect on your guilt. Reflect on whether you are being stupid, selfish and insecure, or just having a good time in a different way.

  Stop thinking yourself into a corner of judgment and stress, Letter Writer. It seems to me you are hurting yourself.

  Permalink Monday, August 27, 2007 02:52 AM