I appreciate Joan Walsh's piece on the evolution of feminism and the difficulties women still face. I do, however, think that an important aspect of women's lives has been ignored. Any human who becomes a parent creates a small, helpless person who needs a great deal of care for a number of years. That care, the care for any parent's beloved child, is considered a lower caste and typically female endeavour. There seems to be feminist consensus that well educated, well off women are hurting not just themselves, but women in general by deigning to do this themselves.

This is a very personal issue for me. I am a well educated, middle class, liberally minded, feminist mother in my mid 20's and I have chosen to stay home with my daughter. I do not feel trapped. I do not feel that society expects me to find true love with a vacuum cleaner. I do not feel that this is the culmination of my life and bleak playdates are all I have to look forward to in the future. I do feel caught on the front lines of the "mommy wars". The respect I got when I was an exhibiting artist was very different from the blatant side taking I find myself in the midst of now. People I hardly know either ask when I'm going to start "doing something" again or they praise me for not "ruining" my daughter with daycare.

The truth is that the care of a small child is a time consuming task. It may not be a paying job, but were I to choose not to do it, it would become someone else's paying job; someone (most likely a woman) who society sees as deserving of the lower caste status that comes with doing this kind of work. This accomplished, I would be free to stop hurting myself and all other middle and upper class women by getting a job or working in my studio. I respect any woman who chooses to work outside of the home when her children are young, but that is not the choice that is right for my life at this time.

I am deeply thankful for the advances women have made in careers that used to be dominated by men. I am deeply grateful that I have options that women of previous generations didn't have. I want those options to continue to expand so that my daughter can feel that no door is closed to her. Also worth mentioning is the fact that I too plan to exercise those options. Life is long and getting longer. Time is both of the essence and available. I don't see what there is to prevent me from going back to school, or getting a job, or spending time in the studio when my children are a little older and require less full time care. I look forward to the future when my days can be spent in industrious intellectual pursuits rather than drinking pretend tea with a toddler, but for the moment I am having a wonderful time drinking the pretend tea.

I feel that my life is as fulfilling and challenging as it has ever been. To suggest that I should be tearing my hair out and dreaming of a stiff drink is disrespectful to my daughter. Our society needs caregivers as much as it needs children. To pretend otherwise or to consider childcare a worthless pursuit is naive. No one should force a woman to go out and work any more than anyone should force a woman to stay home. The fight should be united under the banner of greater respect and dignity for the lives women live rather than petty arguments over who should do what and what should be beneath women's dignity.

As the slogan goes, "Every Mother is a Working Mother", and they are all deserving of respect.

On the upside, I know as many stay at home mothers as stay at home fathers. Fathers staying home while their wives go back to work is definitely an option in our area. It is an encouraging sign that individual people don't automatically see childcare and home making as "women's work" anymore!

I do think that these fathers must feel rather isolated though; society thinks the work they do is worthless and the ones I know seem uncomfortable spending time with stay at home mothers while their spouses are at work.

How many people actually "cry rape" anyway? Out of all the men and women I know who have experienced some form of rape/sexual violence only one even approached the idea of going to court. Confusion, shame and fear of the abuser make rape a dangerously under reported crime. The impact sexual violence has on a person's life is very tragic and very real. With this in mind it feels irresponsible to approach the subject in this way.

People need to be educated to send and receive clear signals and not be encouraged to assume 'no' means 'yes'. The message should be that no one should ever force sex without consent, not how one should assume consent.

Situations surrounding sex are often confusing; in the real world people send mixed messages and they are bad at foreplay. Rape is not the result of mixed messages, poor seduction or lack of foreplay; it is an violently aggressive attack and should be recognised as such.

The difference between a rape fantasy and a rape are like the difference between watching a violent film and committing a violent act. Does the existence of violent media justify real-life violence? Does a power fantasy justify a sexual assault?

I am sad that Salon and Nerve choose to take this approach. Neither wants to hurt rape victims, encourage their feelings of shame, and discourage them from coming forward. It is a pity that such intelligent sources of information are choosing such an esoteric stance on this subject.