LW, I'm in the same boat you are, only I'm fat, Caucasian and ten years older. You've gotten more advice than you need here (most of it depressing as hell). So I apologize for giving you a little more. Here it is:

Focus on the good stuff. Focus on what you love about yourself (not what society loves about you!). Focus on what you love about men in general. Focus on how your perfect relationship will feel and bathe in that lovely feeling daily. Enjoy adorning yourself, in whatever way makes sense to you. Have a little mantra you can say to yourself when you go out into the world – something to do with being open, being lovable, being grateful for whatever comes.

When you come across a possibility, share a little more than you might have up to now. Say playful things that maybe you'll cringe over later. Flirt with everyone – men, women, maintenance workers, stuffy bureaucrats, nice old ladies, snotty young boys. Don't worry about what doesn't come back. Know that you have an inexhaustible well of love inside and that which is not returned is out there circulating anyway. Be open.

My best friend has a great antidote to the tired bromides about either making marriage a 2-year Manhattan Project or "you'll find it when you stop looking." She advises, "Live your life, and when something comes up, as it inevitably will, don't resist it." It may not be what you had in mind, but who knows where this contact will lead? At least you're out there, letting the Universe know you're interested.

So there's my advice. And this stuff works. I've tried it.

What I've realized, though, in my efforts to apply it, is that when a real connection possibility is in front of me, I get nervous. Maybe I don't want a relationship that much after all. The time it takes! I'd have to get a bigger bed! Do I really have room for a man amongst my art supplies and my kin and pals and my books and my writings?

Perhaps you don't want a man as much as you think you do. Perhaps it's just the couple culture breathing down your neck, leaving you feeling like an unacceptable outlier. I struggle with this question daily. We have pretty full lives. The nature of marriage and relationships is in flux at this time in history. Maybe we late boomer/early gen-xers are just riding a wave that we didn't ask for, but must make the best of nonetheless. The guys seem to be having their own troubles these days, too.

If you do really want a man, though, you can have him. If I really want a man, so can I. Fat ladies, black ladies, older ladies, ladies with half a body, they all find men. We can, too. So why has that nice note from a smart, sensitive guy who's only a little too old been sitting in my Yahoo Personals inbox, unanswered? I don't know.

Let's quit saying someone has "balls" or the sadly non-punchy "ovaries" when they stand up their ground and speak truth to power. The word "gonads" is a nice, tough word and applies to either sex.

I can think of approximately two dozen worthy interview subjects off the top of my head that didn't get any press because you spent your energy and life force and precious time interacting with this... person.

I need a shower.

I had just finished reading what I thought was an insightful background piece on an intriguing man who will likely be President someday when I turned to the Letters, where I found out that I had instead read a hit piece by a racist rag that is trying to destroy Obama's chances for leadership in this country.

I thought the use of "uppity" was funny. Throwing the concept back in the faces of the ignorant, if you will. The word's been applied to women, too, you know, for a long, long time. "Uppity" is not knowing your place, and by god, I'm all for that!

This article has left me with a deeper understanding of and confidence in Obama's ability to handle himself in what will undoubtedly be a fractious campaign, and has made me more likely to back him. Hardly the desired result of a bash piece, I would say.

And there's nothing wrong with a story that doesn't cite chapter and verse of a politician's every policy statement. This is the Internet, people. If you insist on knowing nothing about Obama but his stand on the issues, go to his website. Everything you need to know is there.

P.S. Salon, I would suggest, for your own well-being and understanding of what your readers actually think, skipping over the first couple of pages of letters after a story. You're getting the untempered gut reactions of those who have found a perfect place to dump whatever bile might be rising within them for whatever reason.

Joan, this piece, on the heels of the "uppity" brouhaha and the Kamiya piece about the letters sections, makes me think that you're taking the letter-writers' criticisms to heart. I know you're getting a lot of crap from those who seem to have a long history with Salon, and since I have only been around here for the past five years or so, I don't know what that's about. I just know that I get impatient with partisan boosterism from either side, and I appreciate that Salon holds to its left-of-center foundation while allowing itself to question the conventional wisdom.

I thought unthinking bandwagonism was the province of the Right. I'm disturbed to see evidence of it on the Left as well. Keep asking the hard questions, Salon.

Would you please, at last, go out and try to get laid already? Good luck.