Letters to the Editor
perigee_apogee
Published Letters: 7 Editor's Choice: 2
-
Veiling cetegories
[Read the article: Sneering at the veil]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]When the media says "veil," they seldom explain what garment they are referring to. I hear the terms "veil" and "hibjab" used interchangably, so I do not know exactly what sort of clothing Mr. Straw was requesting the women remove. I may have missed a previous letter on this, but I think it is important to point out that women who "veil" cover in different degrees including: covering the hair only, covering hair and neck, covering hair, neck, forehead to the eybrows and chin to the bottom lip, and covering the the entire face. I suspect that the women Mr. Straw asked to uncover were wearing niquaab, or a full face veil, covering everything but the eyes. (Some women wear veils that cover even the eyes with a semi-sheer subtance, then there is the burqa, which also can obscure even the eyes depending on which fabric layer is down.) I think it is completely reasonable to request that someone speaking to you take steps to facilitate communication. I also think that if the woman doesn't want to remove her veil, no big deal should be made about that choice. For many women the veil is oppressive, for many women the veil is liberating, and for what I suspect is the vast majority, it is just a cultural given. There is no inherent reason to assume that a woman will be offended if asked to remove her veil, although women who believe Allah has commanded them to cover in the way that they do will be offended, and the proper response to such offense is a quick apology.
I doubt Mr. Straw is in any way illiterate to Islamic/Muslim culture. I suspect his experience is not too different from mine. Living in the area with the greatest concentration of people of Middle Eastern descent in North America, I find most women who wear the veil do it because it is assumed that they will: by their family and by their community. The assumption that the veil indicates a pious and humble woman is frequently false. I have seen women of all ages in very form fitted clothing and makeup three inches deep with their hair and neck perfectly obscured. I once stood in line behind a young woman wearing black veil that covered her to her waist but had embroidered writing on the butt of her sweat pants.
I heard on the BBC this morning a Muslim woman saying that if a Muslim requested a woman visiting him put on more clothes before visiting him, it would been treated with outrage. This has not been my experience. Liberal, non-Middle Eastern descent American women protesting Israel's attacks on Lebanon voluntarily wore long-sleeves and reasonable pants before meeting outside an Islamic center, per the request of Muslim leaders. Any female visitor to any of the mosques and Islamic halls around here must put on a headscarf before going in. No one rants and raves about, it is simply respecting another culture.
-
Assumptions
[Read the article: Tom Brady and the "relationship Hail Mary"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]There is an underlying assumption here that the relationship was close to over when the pregnancy occurred. There is a possibility that the pregnancy ended the relationship. With so many men waiting until their 40s or later to become fathers, isn't it completely possible that, faced with the pregnancy, Mr. Brady decided he wasn't ready to be an engaged, committed father and moved on in a way that would communicate this fact very clearly to his ex? In public he can say how excited he is about fatherhood, but in reality his ex will likely be doing better than 90% of the parenting.
-
Re: depo provera
[Read the article: Hiding birth control from boyfriends]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Use of depo provera has been associated with reduced bone mass. Since most of a woman's bone mass is acquired in adolescence, some practitioners don't want to prescribe it to minors. However, early pregnancy can't be great for developing bone mass either.
Raising girls to own their bodies reduces both dating violence and unwanted pregnancy. At least that is what I tell myself when I look at my two year old daughter.
Article on bone mass and depo: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6515456/
-
Respect for parents, not just for Dad
[Read the article: Asking Dad for her hand in marriage ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]When my now husband and I were talking about getting married, I decided to talk to both his parents before he formally proposed. Dear husband had already talked to his mother about getting engaged, so I wasn't telling his parents something they didn't already know. I believe I phrased the issue in terms of wanting their approval before making a permanent life together with their son. It wasn't permission, it was approval, and if it had been withheld I probably would have waited a year and then asked again. The conversation was directed to both of his parents because they both have an equal stake in his wellbeing and that of any grandchildren that result.
My husband was married once before. His siblings and his parents all agreed that the marriage wouldn't last, but nobody had the strength of character to warn him. I wanted to give them an opportunity to tell me to my face if they had concerns.
Asking dad for permission isn't about respect for parenting. It is about re-enacting a tribal tradition. As I personally know observant Muslim women who have been essentially bought through this transaction, I find even the modern, modified re-enactment disturbing. If the issue is about respect for parents, make it about all parents, the bride's and the groom's; and make it about approval, not permission.